Jones Family Updates

We celebrated Kathie's Birthday on November 22.  I am always taken aback by the greeting "happy birthday"as it pertains to Kathie, lying in a bed. Then I remind myself that it may not be a happy time but I am very happy to celebrate all the lives Kathie has touched in her lifetime, and even now. I celebrate the wife and mother she has been to our family and I continue to be thankful for all the memories I have of Kathie.  I met Kathie's hairdresser at Care Meridian, Rita has cut Kathie's hair for over 7 years, and we topped off Kathie's day by making her more beautiful. The last few Thanksgivings, our daughter Katie has taken over the cooking and coordinating our food. I just brine and cook the turkey, Katie organizes her sisters, put them all in aprons last year, and makes the Thanksgiving meal happen. This year we had 22 family and guest for our Meal. I've let Katie know that her mother would be extremely proud of the effort and skill she has developed...

Trip to the dentist: checked off. No problems to report, Kathie did well other than some mouth pain that she is not used to, so she let us know in a loud tone that is was time for some Tylenol. I have reported in the past that I am glad she expresses this discomfort because so often communication between caregiver and patient can be confusing... no confusion here and the pain reliever was quickly administered. 10 days before our dental appointment, the staff discovered that Kathie had some kind of chest infection and antibiotics were prescribed and administered. I am pleased at how quickly the medical staff responds to any "blips" in Kathie's health. We still don't know what the cause was and a follow up blood work is pending. In pre-op, while waiting for her dental procedure, I typically have one hand on her head or neck so she knows where I am and the other hand using a computer or other device, I'm actually pretty good at "one-handed." I am there ...

"How is Kathie?" or how is your wife? On occasion, I receive either of these questions and I'm happy to answer. Sometimes, I offer the answer when taking with friends who aren't sure if they should ask. Kathie is comfortable, she has no signs of severe pain. Her right brain injury is the cause of her disability and arm contractions but her internal injuries have long since healed. I and the staff at Care Meridian are very adept at watching her face for discomfort. When we distinguish her furrowed eyebrow to mean a headache, we respond with Tylenol and close the room blinds to darken the room. Sometimes at bath-time, she doesn't want to be moved and transferred, she will tighten her lips and blow. A warm bath eases that irritation but she can communicate her displeasure and I am quick to apologize. November 1st, we will make our yearly trip to the dentist. This requires medical transport, a very early start to the day and of course, paperwork. Although we only ...

11 years.  Every year I read this from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest on September 5: Stay here and watch with Me. — Matthew 26:38   Watch with Me.” Jesus was saying, in effect, “Watch with no private point of view at all, but watch solely and entirely with Me.” In the early stages of our Christian life, we do not watch with Jesus, we watch for Him. We do not watch with Him through the revealed truth of the Bible even in the circumstances of our own lives. Our Lord is trying to introduce us to identification with Himself through a particular “Gethsemane” experience of our own. But we refuse to go, saying, “No, Lord, I can’t see the meaning of this, and besides, it’s very painful.” And how can we possibly watch with Someone who is so incomprehensible? How are we going to understand Jesus sufficiently to watch with Him in His Gethsemane, when we don’t even know why He is suffering? We don’t know how to watch with Him— we are only used to the idea of ...

August 7th marked the 7th Anniversary of our move from Sharp Coronado to Care Meridian in Escondido. The care Kathie has received is exceptional and the staff has been very responsive to any health concerns during our time there. The Activity Director coordinated events, day-trips and at the end of the month there will be a Luau (they got me to dance with the hula dancers last year). She is a christian who prays for each of the residents as well as caring for them daily. We both have been blessed by our years there. This week I assisted as Kathie got her haircut, I was talking to the hairdresser and reminded her that she has also been cutting Kathie's hair for the last 7 years. When we were preparing to leave Coronado Hospital, she came to cut Kathie's hair in preparation to the move. We were discussing the age of her daughter (17 then) who came to assist her.  We are beginning to prepare for Hannah to head back to college as our summer draws down. Last week Hannah, Madison...

Friends, Last night, Kathie seemed to just look at me and study my face for a long period of time. Many nights, I make sure the TV is positioned to catch her eye, on her right side, and she will move her head to gain a better position. Then, I massage her neck and shoulders as she is looking away from me and I check my email with the other hand. Last night was odd because she seemed to look at me as I sat on her left side. Note: she seems to favor looking to her right side, probably caused by her right-brain injury and her ability to see better on the right. I glanced at her as I was checking my email and realized that she was looking at me and I'd better give her my undivided attention. I spent the next 30 minutes taking to her, massaging her neck and telling her how much I love her, followed by a kiss. When it was time for me to go, I gently moved her head to the right, she focused on the show "Pickers" and I said, "Goodnight sweetheart" as I kissed her che...

The month of May was very busy. Hannah completed her freshman year at NAU and Madison graduated from SFSU! In between driving to Flagstaff and San Francisco, I completed personal goals by running a marathon and an intermediate distance triathlon. I was amazed by returning to NAU and seeing Hannah and her roommate are "all grown up." They were just out of high school last September, now they move, talk and plan like young adults. The role of dads didn't change since last September: find a close parking spot and begin loading the accumulated clothing and dorm furniture in the car. Likewise, Madison is so knowledgeable about transportation around SF, plus she has matured into a young woman who moves confidently. My Dad and I moved her out of the dorm at the end of her freshman year and we enjoyed seeing some of her same friends graduating with her. Over the last few years, as I wasn't needed as a driver, I started running in the afternoons after work. In my 20'...

Kathie and I enjoyed an outing at Sea World a few weeks ago. I was remembering the first time I wheeled her around the Park, learning how to drive a wheelchair now I'm able to negotiate the people, hills and exhibits like an expert. Most of all, I take the time to see the Park with Kathie and I talk to her throughout the day. One of the questions I hear most is, "does she recognize you?" I am careful as I look into the hopeful face of a person. "To some degree, I believe that Kathie knows my voice," is my reply. That was emphasized to me as I arrived late for Kathie's bath, a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) had started the bath process and had washed Kathie's face, which was scrunched-up as she is not a fan of having her face touched. I walked into the bath area and started speaking to the CNA, letting her know that I would takeover. I usually flip off the lights and try to calm the CNA as they aren't sure how to exit. On this evening, Kathie u...

Kathie has spent the last three weeks battling a head cold that transitioned into a chest cold leading to the dreaded cough.  Much like watching a very small child struggling to cough, we fear the cough. I become a coach during the heaviest coughs, encouraging her and congratulating her as the irritation subsides. Kathie has worked her way back to health with only the occasional cough that surprises us. "When you seem loneliest and most forsaken, God is nigh. He is in the dark cloud. Plunge into the blackness of its darkness without flinching; under the shrouding curtain of His pavilion you will find God awaiting you." Streams in the Desert, March 14. Now that Kathie is feeling better we are due to schedule another trip home and I look forward to that. Hannah had her 19th Birthday last week and the first birthday away from home, she is doing well at school and is home this week for Spring Break. Madison's Break is next week and she will come home on Sunda...

On January 23, Kathie came home for a visit and the entire process went well. The lady who cuts Kathie's hair came over to our house and we went to work. Our ceiling rail system transports Kathie to the Jacuzzi tub and she usually closes her eyes and relaxes as I clean up. We were in no rush, so I left her in the tub for a long time (the sling we use keeps her head above water). Later, I use the same lift to transport her to an adjustable bed where she relaxed. Next, a dry sling and a change of clothes, with a transfer back into her wheelchair. Although it sounds like a lot, we have the equipment and practice to complete the tasks without either of us getting injured. She did make a noise communicating that I was taking a little longer than usual getting her dressed. As odd as the last paragraph sounds, we then sat in our room with her watching television and I was reading a short article, a very normal setting in the midst of an odd morning. I had extended her pick-up time to be...

I'm still putting away the final boxes of Christmas, each year at January 1 I breathe a sigh of relief as the holiday season closes. I love the holidays but the sense of loss coupled with the Joy of the season can be exhausting. After our accident, when the Girls were younger, I took on all the tasks that Kathie did during the holidays. She was very specific from our Halloween front door to Christmas lights on the tree. This year I was able to relax those standards a little as the Girls have grown up. I still wrap at least one package for them in the style that Kathie did, curl ribbon and a bow, it may not be recognized but I know it is there in honor of Kath. Hannah will be returning to NAU next week and Madison will begin her final semester at SFSU the following week. I have enjoyed the college breaks with them and further enjoyed the young adults they have become. I still get the "Dad, can you make pancakes?" request and I very happy to oblige. Last Monday, I gave ...