2006

DECEMBER 25, 2006
Gifts received

Thank you for your wonderful gifts and prayers. We celebrate our friendship and especially the birth of Christ with you.

Kathie's hands always seemed to be cold and 15 years ago I bought her gloves for Christmas Eve. As she opened the package, on the left glove ring finger was an engagement ring, I knelt before her, Katie and Andy and asked her to marry me. In the pain of this season, I have a profound joy that I live wonderful moments with her.

After church last night, Hannah said to me, “I know Christmas is hard for you, you've done a great job.” Madison has helped shop and wrap with the skill of her mother. Katie, Audrey and Andy spent the night so we were all together for an early morning celebration. We hosted Christmas dinner at our house this year and many hands produced a meal that would have made Kathie proud.

I was able to visit Kathie late this afternoon; from the Visitors Log I saw that family friends took time to honor her with a visit. I was touched that they would include Kathie in their day. I brushed Kathie's short hair with long even stoke that would also massage her scalp. Then I raised up the bed so I could put my arms around her and hugging her said, “Merry Christmas, I love you.”

Madison and Hannah gained a Christmas Angel this year. A young friend met the girls and deeply thought about our accident and recognized that the girls would be going through Christmas without their mom. An idea led to talking with family, followed by a letter, followed by speaking before a group of adults. The idea lead to individual donations, website access, prayers and gifts for the girls, gifts that specifically “Kathie would have given the girls this year.” I was told of these plans in early December and I have lived Advent learning about gift giving from this young person. Tonight, after we prayed, I told Maddie and Hannah the anonymous story of these gifts, we talked about the blessing and how the whole process embodied the gift of giving. Thank you to all who participated, the gifts are beautiful but not as beautiful as the child who loves my girls and allowed so many adults to learn from this heartfelt obedience to God's call.

Merry Christmas,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie & Audrey

PS Kathie claims that I was so nervous, I left right after asking her to marry me. Being practical, I thought it was more about getting plenty of rest for Christmas Day.

DECEMBER 18, 2006

I read this last night and thought to share all of it with you. All of us go through this Test.

Test of Faithfulness
“We know that all things work together for good to those who love God…” Romans 8:28

It is only a faithful person who truly believes that God sovereignly controls his circumstances. We take our circumstances for granted, saying God is in control, but not really believing it. We act as if the things that happen were completely controlled by people. To be faithful in every circumstance means that we have only one loyalty, or object of our faith, the Lord Jesus Christ. God may cause our circumstances to suddenly fall apart, which may bring the realization of our unfaithfulness to Him for not recognizing that He had ordained the situation. We never saw what He was trying to accomplish, and that exact event will never be repeated in our life. This is where the test of our faithfulness comes. If we will just learn to worship God even during the difficult circumstances, He will change them for the better very quickly if He so chooses.

Being faithful to Jesus Christ is the most difficult thing we try to do today. We will be faithful to our work, to serving others, or to anything else; just don't ask us to be faithful to Jesus Christ. Many Christians become very impatient when we talk about faithfulness to Jesus. Our Lord is dethroned more deliberately by Christian workers than by the world. We treat God as if He were a machine designed only to bless us, and we think of Jesus as just another one of the workers.

The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us. God calls us to His service and places tremendous responsibilities on us. He expects no complaining on our part and offers no explanation on His part. God wants to use us as He used His own Son.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest. December 18. http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php

I will continue to read this passage over and over to live faithfulness.

Kathie's swelling has shown some reduction; Saturday I was able to sit with her for 3 hours, praying, massaging and talking to her. I often wonder if I make the right decisions for her and wish so many times that I could talk with her. It may be that I am used for “His service” in ways I don't or can't understand.

A friend describes Hannah as an old soul because in her young body is the soul of a much older saint. She makes me tea at night because, “she just knew that I would like some.” I hear Kathie in her voice. This morning she said, “Lets pray right now” for her Uncle Mike who was hit by a car while working at an accident scene. He is awaiting surgery and sounded good as I spoke with him. He was encouraged to think of Hannah's little voice praying for the doctor's skill and his healing.

Madison moves between little girl and young lady, rolling her eyes as I talk, concerned about her facial scars while impressing me with her work ethic and mature decisions. She talks with me about her faith in God, questions our circumstances and says, “at the end of the day, before I go to sleep, I believe that God is with us.”

“The end in, faithfulness to the end’ may seem like a long ways off’ but it is the only end that is really worth pursuing.” Doug Webster, Sermon: The Essential Wilderness, 1/29/06.

Dave

DECEMBER 13, 2006

Kathie's neuro-surgeon checked her swelling and believes we should wait for the surgery healing to take place over the next six months. In the meantime we wait and keep her comfortable. I bought a vibrating neck massager for Kathie, the girls and I tried it out and agreed she would like it. It seems to work and my prayer always is that our actions let her know that she is loved and cared for.

Andy has a new challenge; a doctor thinks he has a hernia. He is looking at a surgery to repair and three weeks recovery, discouraging news.

Yesterday, I was on my way to see Kathie and traffic was stopped for a person threatening suicide on the bridge. Traffic was turned around and I was disappointed that I wouldn't be seeing her. I started thinking about all the feelings of disappointment experienced at this time of year. As with Thanksgiving, we are all squeezed into “happy” moods and many people just can’t do it. My prayer for this person is that the emptiness in his heart is filled with an understanding of Christ. At this time of year we may not experience happiness but we can choose our joy in Christ.

In Christ,
Dave, Andy, Madison and Hannah

DECEMBER 7, 2006

The post surgery swelling on Kathie's head seems to be growing and a CT scan has been ordered. Today, I took Kathie outside and as I left, I put my head against hers and prayed Psalm 55:22 (The Message). “Pile your troubles on God's shoulder-- he'll carry your load, he'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin.” It seems that everything I do these days takes considerable effort and I let God know that I am feeling very close to “ruin.”

I've noticed that Madison is getting taller and reminding me that High School is next year but she still holds my hand, even at the mall. Last night Hannah was sleepwalking and after I guided her back to bed, I ran my fingers through her hair, kissed her and thanked God for my little girl. These girls are a blessing and help me keep moving forward...

Hannah and I put up the Christmas lights while Madison put out the holiday towels, she has taken over the seasonal guest bathroom decorating that Kathie started. We will continue our effort to “Choose Joy” this Christmas.

“Never has my soul been more dead; yet never has my soul been more alive, my soul has been stretched.” Jerry Sittser, “A Grace Disguised.”

Dave, Kathie, Madison and Hannah
NOVEMBER 30, 2006

I was asked on Sunday if I had fun on Thanksgiving. I thought and said “no.” I was thankful but the stress of Kathie's birthday followed by Thanksgiving was not fun for me. I started thinking about playing beach volleyball on Sunday afternoons, Madison joking about how slow my Dad drives, Hannah telling me “a girl needs time to get ready,” as we rush out the door and joking with my Mom, after dinner. Fun happens in our moments; it can't be forced and these moments become an oasis from our pain.

Last night I was reading Psalm 20, here are verses 6-8. Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.

Today, a friend surprised us and decorated Kathie's room with a door wreath, mini tree, rearranging pictures and notes from the girls, it made me smile. Kathie and I went outside moving back and forth between the sun and shade, rubbing hands and feet, as I told her how pretty she is. When I kissed her good-bye, I started thinking about how soft her lips are, in all I've lost, I haven't lost the warmth of kissing her. I thanked God for how near he is to us and for the gift of that kiss.

God whispers in our pleasure but he shouts in our pain. C. S. Lewis
Dave


NOVEMBER 28, 2006

Today, I sat outside with Kathie, warm sun and cold clouds after yesterday's rain. I positioned her to face the sun as I sat and talked to her. After we returned to her room, I wrapped her head and asked that it be wrapped every 2 hours because the swelling seems to build up, something her neuro-surgeon and I talked about. I let her know how much I love her and kissed her good-bye. Her comfort is always my focus. I don't say that “God answered that prayer;” God answers all prayers but right now I'm just not hearing what the answer is.

From Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 24: Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters so our eyes look to the Lord our God. Psalm 123:2

This verse is a description of total reliance on God. Just as the eyes of a servant are riveted on his master, our eyes should be directed to and focused on God... Our spiritual strength begins to be drained when we stop lifting our eyes to Him. We have to realize that no effort can be too high.

For example, you came to a crisis in your life, took a stand for God, and even had the witness of the Spirit as a confirmation that what you did was right. But now, maybe weeks or years have gone by, and you are slowly coming to the conclusion. "Well, maybe what I did showed too much pride or was superficial. Was I taking a stand a bit too high for me?"

Oswald Chambers concludes by saying: The danger comes when, no longer relying on God, you neglect to focus your eyes on Him.

Dave

November 22

Kathie's birthday and Thanksgiving, I search for the touch of my God during these days.

Psalm 96 Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth. Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts. Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. Say among the nations, "The LORD reigns." The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity. Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the LORD, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his truth.

I don't feel.... the excitement of this Psalm but I know, the words are true.

With the Joy of Christ and Thanksgiving,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

November 21

1:00 pm - I just realized that Kathie and I spent the last 20 days at Sharp Memorial and today she was being transferred. Kathie's floor nurse is a Christian who shared with me how she prays for Kathie during brief moments throughout her shift, I thanked her for the physical and spiritual care she has given Kathie and me.

This transfer back to Coronado Hospital was far less traumatic for me than her first transfer in October 2005. This time though, it was an eerie homecoming with staff welcoming us back, familiar people each wanting to care for Kathie. If you were to observe us, you might think of a family returning home at Thanksgiving. Kathie was asleep as I kissed her good bye, her facial muscles were relaxed, the compression bandage was off and it looks like this surgery might have given Kathie some degree of comfort, she looked comforted.

Tomorrow is Katherine's birthday, not a happy day but a day of joy, because of what this beautiful lady has shared with each of us.

Dave

NOVEMBER 20, 2006

Friends,
Thank you for your sustaining prayers especially over the last two weeks. Today, I saw Kathie again open her eyes briefly. She is wearing a compression wrap on her head to restrict swelling. Kathie looked good today and I was again hopeful that this latest surgery would bring her comfort. She was due to be discharged back to Sharp Coronado Sub-acute unit this afternoon but a temperature spike caused Sharp Memorial Hospital to put a 24 hour hold on her transfer, I appreciate the care she has received over the last two weeks.

Dave & Kathie

NOVEMBER 16, 2006

Kathie's bandages are off exposing the signs of surgeries and swelling. Her temperature is up and being monitored. I rubbed her neck and she seemed comfortable this morning.

Hannah's school choir sang last night and they were great.

Kathie's roommate Lay experienced some setbacks but finally left the hospital last night. She and Bob left a note saying good-bye.

Long weeks,
Dave

NOVEMBER 14, 2006

10:30 am - Kathie had her eyes open for a few minutes while I visited her this morning. I would expect that her neuro-surgeon would take off the bandages tonight or tomorrow and check for fluid build up. She did not feel overly warm to me this morning.

5:55 am - Kath had a quiet night but a slightly elevated temperature.

November 13

10:30 am - Kathie had a good night, she feels a little warm this morning but her skin is relaxed and smooth. The other day I rubbed baby powder on her hands and feet, the smell reminds me of our baby girls.

Her roommate said, “good morning,” when she saw Kathie's eyes open a little. I have been praying for Lay's comfort and for her husband Bob, as they deal with her terminal liver condition. They have 3 young adult sons; she should be leaving the hospital this afternoon. I recognized the look... of loss and heartache as we've shaken hands and spoken over the last few days.

November 12

6:30 pm - Kathie's nurse said she stirred briefly while she was being repositioned and then went back to sleep.

3:30 pm - I met up with the girls to celebrate with Audrey; Katie did a great job with a Hollywood themed party.

1:15 pm - The neuro-surgeon and I met in the waiting room and he thinks the surgery went well. I went to see her in recovery, she was breathing on her own, no ventilator left over from surgery and then she was taken back to her room. She briefly opened her eyes.

12:30 pm - The girls and I went home to get them ready for Audrey's (granddaughter) birthday party. We had lunch, a crisis of what to wear for Hannah, Madison worked on homework and once everyone was settled I could leave for the hospital.

10:30 am - As the girls and I were leaving church, the hospital called my cell phone to say that Kathie's surgery had been moved up by a schedule change and they were taking her into surgery now.

NOVEMBER 11, 2006

7:15 pm - I met with Kathie’s neuro-surgeon tonight. He does not like the buildup of fluid and wants to schedule a surgery to change the shut valve and increase the movement of fluid out of the brain. She is scheduled for surgery at 2 pm tomorrow (Sunday). Her temperature has been holding around 99, which is about normal for her. I pray for her comfort though this surgery.

12:30 pm - Kathie is resting comfortably; I massaged her hands and fingers. The swelling looks larger than before her recent surgery.

NOVEMBER 10, 2006

6:30 pm Kathie is quiet tonight; I sat with her for about an hour rubbing her feet. I met the woman that Kathie shares the room with, she has a liver problem, I helped her to the restroom, later I found out that her condition is terminal.

I remembered a friend had knee surgery on Thursday, I stopped in to see him, I think I knew that he would encourage me from his bed. He sat up and prayed with me with a quiet strength, I’m glad I went to see him.

Eugene Peterson writes in his introduction to Job from the Message, “Job gives voice to his sufferings so well, so accurately and honestly, that anyone who has ever suffered, which includes every last one of us, can recognize his or her personal pain in the voice of Job. Job says boldly what some of us are too timid to say. He makes poetry out of what in many of us is only a tangle of confused whimpers. He shouts out to God what a lot of us mutter behind our sleeves. He refuses to accept the role of a defeated victim. But sometimes it’s hard to know just how to follow Job’s lead when we feel so alone in our suffering, unsure of what God wants us to do. What we must realize during those times of darkness is that the God who appeared to Job in the whirlwind is calling out to all of us. And so we gain hope, not from the darkness of our suffering, not from pat answers in books, but from the God who sees our suffering and shares our pain.” pp. 631,633-634.

Dave

NOVEMBER 9, 2006

11:11 am - I'm discouraged! Kathie's eyes are not opening; I just wanted a little sign that she could be comforted. She may be discharged today but everyone was so busy I couldn't get an answer. Kathie's nurse was admitting another patient so I couldn't talk with her. I continue to rub her neck, stroke her cheek; I even adjusted the TV so music was playing next to her. I understand, “Cast all your cares on Him; for He cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7) but these cares leave me very discouraged. I will recover, by the time you read this and continue on, but God in heaven I'm tired of this path.

7:55 am - Hannah called me from school and said in her high pitch voice, “Daddy, I just wanted to tell you I love you, be safe.”

NOVEMBER 8, 2006

10:30 am - She looks relaxed this morning and moved her head a little during my visit. Her eyes have not opened as much since Saturday and she seems to be sleeping a lot during recovery. Kathie’s temperature also seems to have come down. It seems strange but I’m looking forward to her return to Coronado soon.

6:15 am - Kathie had a quiet night in a new room on the 7th floor.

NOVEMBER 7, 2006

Nov. 7, 10:30 am - Kathie is stable and will be moved out of the SICU and up to the 7th floor of Sharp Memorial Hospital. Her transfer back to Coronado is up to her neuro-surgeon.

NOVEMBER 7, 2006

Nov. 7 6:15 am - Kathie had a quiet, calm night with no changes. I will see her again mid-morning.

We know that all things work together for good to those who love God . . . Romans 8:28.
From Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Nov. 7th: The circumstances of a saint's life are ordained of God. In the life of a saint there is no such thing as chance. God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can't understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use the everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne, and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them.

Nov. 6 5:45 pm - I made a mistake, her temperature is 100 point 2 (100.2). I checked with the nurse and he reviewed the chart for me. Kathie's neuro-surgeon removed more fluid from the surgery site this afternoon. She was placed on the ventilator for surgery and was weaned off of it today.

NOVEMBER 6, 2006

Nov. 5, 10:20 am - Kathie's temperature is up (102) and tests are being done to combat an infection. She opened her eyes when I touched the right side of her face but she looks so tired after surgery. I focus on little things like her dry lips and rubbing her neck, arms and shoulders as I talk to her, her doctors and nurses are focused everywhere else. I was able to see another past nurse, Melissa, and she wanted to know how the girls were. She remembered Maddie and Hannah bringing cupcakes to the SICU.

In the past, you may remember me saying to Kathie, “I'm proud of you.” I could instantly brighten her day with this phrase. As her husband, I have the power to build her up and encourage her as she worked through her day. I continue to lean close to her bed and tell her, “I'm proud of you.” Even in the business of the SICU, she's still my girl.

6:15 am - I called her nurse, Kathie had a quiet night.

Nov. 4, 8:15 pm - I called and talked to Kathie's night nurse, no changes to report.

1:30 pm - Sometimes the second day after surgery is harder than the first day; it looks this way for Kathie. Her temperature is up and she seems to be sleeping most of the time, as she did last year. She had a CT scan earlier today and her neuro-surgeon removed some fluid between her skull and scalp. She will be receiving two units of blood this afternoon, she still looks comfortable.

NOVEMBER 4, 2006

Here is the information on Kathie's surgery in reverse chronological order:

4:00 pm - I met with Kathie's neuro-surgeon and he is pleased with the surgery. The team seems to have helped her comfort, which has become our goal. Her temperature has come down, her face and skin is relaxed. I could hear the grief of a family in another bed. Kathie should be at Sharp Hospital for the next 5 - 6 days.

Nov. 4, 10:00 am - Kathie had a good night and has been given intravenous fluids; her eyes are open and blinking. I haven't seen her eyes that open for 4 weeks. Kathie has a fever associated with an infection in her lung but her face looks relaxed. I told her how proud I am of her. I had an opportunity to say thank you to our past SICU nurses, Ana, Martha, Yoshi, and Debbie were in the SICU today. We had a happy and difficult reunion, they are wonderful.

2:00 pm - Kathie's surgery was planned to take 4-5 hours at 2 pm she was wheeled into the SICU. I was surprised that she physically looked like she did a year ago when I saw her after the accident. Bandage on the right side of her head, blood in her hair and eyes closed. She lost about a liter of blood. It is strange being in the SICU again.

12:30 am - I was told that Kathie was being moved to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU) bed 13, no one was there, and I was a little concerned. After a few telephone calls the nurses told me that Kathie was still in surgery.

8:00 am - Hannah's school choir is singing at an assembly, I made it and she was very pleased and the choir sounded great.

Nov. 3, 6:15 am - A friend stayed with the girls and got them off to school. I arrived early this morning to be with Kathie as she is being moved downstairs for surgery. I stood in the room where she was being staged, 5 other patients and families were around us as I fought back tears. I held her head in my right hand rubbing her neck and stroking her left arm. I didn't know how this surgery would go.

Nov. 2, 8:10 pm - I met the ambulance at Sharp Hospital and Kathie was taken directly to a room on the 7th floor, much easier than our last transfer. She has a very nice nurse and looked comfortable as I left.

NOVEMBER 2, 2006

Friends,

Kathie's surgery has been moved up to Friday at 7:20 am. We pray for the doctor's skill and ultimately her comfort.
Dave

NOVEMBER 1, 2006

The Trial of Faith

Never confuse the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, because a great deal of what we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result of being alive. Faith, as the Bible teaches it, is faith in God coming against everything that contradicts Him, a faith that says, "I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do." The highest and the greatest expression of faith in the whole Bible is, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" (Job 13:15).
Oswald Chambers, Oct.31. My Utmost for His Highest.

The following single page was sent to me a while ago and I found it again as a bookmark in Hebrews 2: Titled: The Secret Is Acceptance. I will put my trust in Him (Hebrews 2:13).

Helen Roseveare was a British medical missionary in the Congo years ago during an uprising. Her faith was strong and her trust was confident, yet she was raped and assaulted and treated brutally. Commenting later, she said, “I must ask myself a question as if it came directly from the Lord. Can you thank Me for trusting you with this experience even if I never tell you why?

What a profound thought. God has trusted each of us with our own set of unfair circumstances and unexplained experiences to deal with. Can we still trust in Him even if He never tells us why?

The secret to responsible trust is acceptance. Acceptance is taking from God's hand absolutely anything He gives looking into His face in trust and thanksgiving, knowing that the confinement of the hedge we're in is good and for His glory. Perfect Trust. Wisdom for the Way, pp.39.

I absorb these words, reading them over and over, struggling to live out my own Faith and Trust.

By God's Grace, I continue,
Dave

OCTOBER 31, 2006

Today, the weather was a little cooler so when I took Kath outside at noontime, I let her sit for a few minutes facing the sun while I massaged her neck. Her face looked relaxed as I kissed her good-bye and said "I love you."

Thank you to all of you, who share your prayers with us,
Dave & Kathie

OCTOBER 30, 2006

Friday morning, Madison started asking me to take her clothes shopping, by the afternoon; I knew there was no way out of this. Friday nights I normally have no energy to do anything and now I had the opportunity to shop with my 13 year old. Madison, Hannah, Hannah's friend and I went to the mall. Madison laughed at herself and me when she turned the wrong direction toward a clothing store and I had to point the right direction, “wow dad, you're really getting to know the mall.” The store was full of young ladies who occasionally looked at me, satisfied that I was just a harmless dad they continued shopping. I enjoyed this time with our girls and received many hugs, thank-you and kisses from my happy girls.

I share this story with you because, as you've read, this valley is difficult but there are occasions where we are granted happy times. God has gifted me with these little ladies and I recognize this blessing.

Kathie is scheduled for surgery this Friday, November 3rd at 5 pm. The surgery will relieve pressure in her head and hopefully make her more comfortable, this is a 4 hour procedure. Her neurosurgeon doesn't like the scheduled time and is trying to reschedule to an earlier date. I will have about a day notice of any changes.

I am praying Psalm 55:22 this week. Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

Dave, Kathie, Madison and Hannah

OCTOBER 25, 2006

Job 3:1-3 After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. He said: "May the day of my birth perish, and the night it was said, 'A boy is born!'"

My neck has been sore and I've been unable to sleep, waking up at 4 am for two days; my patience with this "race" is worn. Recently, I have held Hannah while hearing the words, "I miss her so much." These precious tears, rip at my heart. My birth date has passed not necessarily happy but the recognition of a date. I felt the words Job had written, not being dramatic, just living with those in pain.

Job 6:11-13 "What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient? Do I have the strength of stone? Is my flesh bronze? Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?"

Last night I dreamed that I stood at Kathie's bed and she rolled over and looked at me. This morning when I visited Kath, I raised up her bed, put my head on her pillow and told her how special she is and how much she is loved as I touched her cheek.

The swelling in her head seems to have closed her right eye. Kathie's surgery to replace the shunt and bone flap should be scheduled for next week. This surgery will reduce the swelling and as always, I pray it will add comfort.

Job 38:1-5 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?"

We brace ourselves before our Creator God,
Dave & Kathie


OCTOBER 20, 2006

Today we are experiencing a Santa Ana (warm wind from the dessert) with a clear blue sky. Kathie and I sat under a tree outside and enjoyed the warm breeze. I massaged her neck then sat next to her holding her hand while talking to her. Her eyes haven't been open over the last few weeks when I visit; today she had some small blinks in the sunlight. When I took her back to her room the nurse thought she was smiling. I kissed her good-bye.

Sunday the girls and I will participate in the ALS Walk supporting a high school friend with this disease. At the Walk last year Maddie was in a wheelchair along with my friend. We pray for Ted's strength and peace in Christ.

May we all experience strength and peace in Christ.
Dave

OCTOBER 17, 2006

Andy's back injury has made his return to working as a chef very difficult. The business owner has been very helpful and flexible but Andy is concerned that his back will not allow him to work as a chef. We pray for his strength during this struggle.

Kathie's next surgery has been approved and now we are waiting for the neurosurgeon schedule.

I sat with her in her room today and told her how much I love her, when I returned to work there was an email reminder on our home email that Kathie had set, “My loving husband's birthday is,” I understand that she loves me.

Madison is taking baby pictures to school for her yearbook and Hannah continues to have fun on the soccer field.

Eph. 6:13-18 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then.

Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

OCTOBER 12, 2006

It was said of Jesus, "He will not fail nor be discouraged . . ." (Isaiah 42:4) because He never worked from His own individual standpoint, but always worked from the standpoint of His Father. And we must learn to do the same. Spiritual truth is learned through the atmosphere that surrounds us, not through intellectual reasoning. It is God's Spirit that changes the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and then things begin to be possible which before were impossible. Getting into God's stride means nothing less than oneness with Him. It takes a long time to get there, but keep at it. Don't give up because the pain is intense right now, get on with it, and before long you will find that you have a new vision and a new purpose. Oswald Chambers, 10/12, My Utmost for His Highest.

A year ago today we moved Kathie from Sharp Memorial Hospital to Coronado Sub Acute Unit; I read the entry from those days.

Getting into God's stride,
Dave

OCTOBER 11, 2006

Psalm 13 (The Message)
1-2 Long enough, God, you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.

Some days, I find it harder to write as I continue carrying the weight of this life. I sat with Kathie for 2 hours on Saturday afternoon, Sunday after church with the girls, visited during lunch on Tuesday and just left her this morning. I continue massaging her hands, arms, feet, legs and neck. Yesterday, I just sat with her, holding her hand and talking to her, telling her how pretty she is as I kiss her good-bye.

Authorization Codes and doctor's surgery schedules are part of my vocabulary as a patient advocate for Kath. I now communicate with doctor's assistants, these ladies get things done, to schedule procedures and understand the medical system. My goal is Kathie's comfort.

3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye, so no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.

Daily schedules are met, you should see the girls and I handle groceries, Hannah's soccer and my work but by the end of the day, I sometimes just stare at the television and flip through the stations as I gather energy to take a shower. I don't always thank God for my daily bread.

5-6 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms� I'm celebrating your rescue. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers.

We do smile, laugh and have fun during our week, we live full lives recognizing that God is in control but we don't “celebrate our rescue or sing at the top of our lungs” yet.

Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to write to you and share our lives.
Dave and Kathie


OCTOBER 3, 2006

Andy's back has not yet fully healed but he has been cleared to work full time again as a sauté chef. He will begin working at Croce’s Restaurant in the Gaslamp District of San Diego this weekend. He has worked hard in the gym strengthening the muscles around his back, following doctor's orders over the last year and working part time to support himself. This is a big step to restoring the confidence of this young man, I am very proud of his progress and the way he has faced life with a quiet faith and determination, he would credit Kathie's example as his motivation. We are thankful and realize that last year at this time he was using a wheelchair and crutches to move around.

Over the last 3 days, the writings of Oswald Chambers have challenged me as I struggle in this “valley” and long for the mountaintop experience.

October 1st: We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life, those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength.

October 2nd: When you were on the mountaintop you could believe anything, but what about when you were faced with the facts of the valley? You may be able to give a testimony regarding your sanctification, but what about the thing that is a humiliation to you right now? The last time you were on the mountain with God, you saw that all the power in heaven and on earth belonged to Jesus; will you be skeptical now, simply because you are in the valley of humiliation?

October 3rd: We must be able to "mount up with wings like eagles" (Isaiah 40:31), but we must also know how to come down. The power of the saint lies in the coming down and in the living that is done in the valley. Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) and what he was referring to were mostly humiliating things. And yet it is in our power to refuse to be humiliated and to say, "No, thank you, I much prefer to be on the mountaintop with God." Can I face things as they actually are in the light of the reality of Jesus Christ, or do things as they really are destroy my faith in Him, and put me into a panic?

Living out our faith in the valley,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey
SEPTEMBER 27, 2006
Thank you for your support and care.

God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us, He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come. Oswald Chambers, September 25

How are the girls, how are the children? I hear this question many times. The answer is that they hang out with friends, curl and straighten their hair and complain about homework. The differences occur on Sundays, after church, they visit Kathie, rub her hands and talk to the staff. Another difference is the phrase, “Be safe!” When we separate for any reason, I am always told to be safe. All of our children miss their Mom in different ways; they look normal and behave in normal ways but their lives have been changed forever.

I have begun the process of scheduling Kathie's next surgery; this could take 3 to 4 weeks between insurance's, doctor's schedules and transportation. I will let you know as we get closer. She seemed relaxed as I sat with her last night, in fact she slept through my visit but it is comforting to see how peaceful she looks asleep.

I wanted to share these passages from the book Waiting: “One day, in death, everything will be taken away from us: spouse, children, home health, car, career, everything. Then all we will have will be God and his promise, but that is all we ever have. Our trust should never be in what God gives us, but in the God who gives. That is why Moses prayed, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Ps. 90:12). God asks what he asks of Abraham (Gen. 22), and all of us, mercifully. He desires not to tear from us our loves, but to push us back to our life him.” “Is there anything I could lose that would make me lose my trust in God?” It is a severe question, and one that none of us can answer ahead of time with any confidence. But we can pray that God will give us faith as we meet each test. And he will, for he tests us, not that we might fail, but that we might emerge pure and victorious.” Waiting, Ben Patterson, pp 158-159.

I miss Kathie; it doesn't get easier over time just different; the pain isn't sharp it is dull and wears me down. I am reminded of her throughout the day and pray for her peace when I wake up in the middle of the night.

Be safe,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

SEPTEMBER 18, 2006

Busy and exhausting week, thank you for your patience.

Tuesday, Madison’s pelvic x-rays are cited as �perfect� by her orthopedic doctor and Maddie is released from further follow-up exams. Last year on September 19th, Maddie was going into surgery as the first girl to have this specific procedure at Children’s Hospital. We count her healing and care as a blessing. After her appointment, Maddie and I stopped into Kathie’s room, I watched Madison telling her Mom that she was considered �perfect� by her doctors.

Wednesday, Kathie's first Baclofen pump trial took place at 7 am; I was at the hospital at 6:15 am to be with her. In this trial, an injection of Baclofen is injected into her lower back, because the medication is going into her cerebral spinal fluid a smaller dose is required so a trial is used to find the amount needed. Baclofen is used to reduce spasticity and relax her muscles; the first trial did not yield good results as measured by a Physical Therapist, two hours then four hours after the procedure.

In the afternoon, I met with Kathie’s neuro-surgeon, we have been discussing her comfort and decided to clear the blocked VP Shunt and replace a bone flap that had been removed to lower her brain pressure at the time of our accident. This surgery is now in the scheduling phase. He was apologizing for her lack of healing and almost apologizing for saving Kathie’s life, I let him know how much I appreciated his skill and dedication to Kathie, it is difficult to imagine but we have been blessed with Kathie's presence this year. I can’t profess a belief in the Creator God on Sunday and then say that God didn’t know what he was doing on Wednesday.

I had an opportunity to meet with a mother and daughter that contacted me last year. I have followed Ashley’s story through her website. http://www.savage.gq.nu/Ashley.htm. We met in the MRI Center of Sharp Memorial. This Christian family has struggled and continues struggling during their very difficult race. Ashley wouldn’t let me just shake hands; she “made” me go through a handshake ritual. Beyond the brokenness of her body, her personality shines through; I continue to pray for this family and Ashley’s strength.

That evening, I attended Maddie’s school open house; a friend put his hand on my shoulder and said he is praying for our family. I remember him losing his wife to cancer when his daughter and Hannah were in pre-school together. “I don’t know how people get through this without a (Christian) faith,” he said as we got to our cars. He has 4 daughters between fourth and tenth grade.

Thursday, a second Trial took place at 11 am and I met the Physical Therapist in the afternoon. Some improvement was seen in the measurements, we will wait to hear the results from the doctor. If he believes that a Baclofen Pump is warranted, a minor surgery will be scheduled.

Friday, Kathie’s heart rate was elevated in the morning so she wasn’t scheduled for transport until 4 pm. The same EMT that took care of her on Monday was again riding with her back to Coronado. Kathie looked relaxed as our hectic week had come to an end. I would be back on Saturday morning to rub her neck, arms and feet again.

Thank you for your prayers, we are blessed by your kindness and we remember your actions last year,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

SEPTEMBER 12, 2006

Last year I didn't realize it was 9/11 until I noticed the flags lining the streets on the way to see Kathie in the hospital. Madison and Andy were in wheelchairs and friends had cleaned out our lower bedrooms for hospital beds, Hannah had been sleeping in my bed. I saw a recent article about the number of children who were born after their parents had died that day.

Kathie was transported to Sharp Memorial and admitted through the Emergency Room. I shook hands with the doctor who treated me a year ago and saw Kathie's Trauma Surgeon in the hallway. The nurse lives in our neighborhood and her daughters go to the same schools as Madison and Hannah. They lost their house in the Cedar Fire, rebuilt and are back home as her husband gets ready to deploy.

We spent the next 4 hours waiting in the ER but I have learned to use this time as �our time.� I know how to raise and lower beds, ask for light to be dimmed, pull curtains for privacy and always touch her so she can feel my presence. After she was settled in her room, I turned off the room lights so she could see the neighborhood lights from the 9th floor of the hospital. As I kissed her goodnight, she was relaxed and sleeping. I thanked the nurses assigned to Kathie for taking care of her.

I rode the elevator down to the 3rd floor and stood outside the Surgical Intensive Unit door for a while. Then I walked through the breezeway, to the parking garage and home to the girls. After this emotionally long day, I finally laid down to read. A good friend has given me the book Waiting by Ben Patterson; I have enjoyed Ben's teaching and books in the past and I recommend his insights again. I got out of bed, picked up Hannah and put her next to me.

God granted me peace as I went to sleep.
Dave

SEPTEMBER 6, 2006

Friends,

Thank you for your wonderful care of our family. In the past year we have appreciated your friendship and love. We have also experienced the power of prayer that has allowed our family to �stand up� and continue to live, not just go through the motions of daily life. We recognize that you grieve with us the loss of Kathie by our side.

Saturday morning I painted Kathie's finger and toe nails, Hannah and Madison didn't like the past color and pink was suggested. Someone asked me if I was getting good at it, �no but I'm doing my best.� When the girls were little, many times, I painted their nails and they still talk about it, I recommend this activity to dads; I did draw the line at letting them paint my nails.

After much preparation, I read Lamentations 3:1-6, 19-26 at our church on Sunday. I emphasized verse 24 three times saying, I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him;" I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him;" I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." I believe this added to our worship as I read for all of us who lament before God and who only have Hope in Him.

Monday morning, I took Kathie outside and we sat quietly in the shade for a long time. I asked her “what does God say to you?” We gathered with family and I missed seeing my brothers. Monday evening, I sat staring at the television and “flipped” channels for a couple of hours.

Daily life is full of reminders and each one is a small, dull pain but by God's grace, we just keep going through the pain because our lives continue. Yesterday, I parked next to a Silver Pilot as I took Hannah to school. We have no memories of last year's traditional first day of school, I remember Hannah trying to make it through a morning, then until lunchtime, until she could stay a whole day. Our girls had a wonderful day, they were excited about their teachers and I was glad to see their smiles, I will say it, “they deserved a good first day of school!” Audrey, our granddaughter, started at a new school last Thursday and she enjoys her teachers also.

Yesterday as I drove home from work, going through the intersection of our accident, I was again stopped next to a Silver Pilot, a two car accident and police cars were near the intersection with flashing lights. Each day stark reminders are mixed with the mundane; I drove on to pick up our dog from the groomers. There is nothing else to do but continue living the race before us.

Next Monday, September 11th, Kathie is scheduled to be transported to Sharp Memorial Hospital for a Baclofen Pump trial (http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/0300/0369.asp?index=4590&src=news) this should take 4 days and then she will be transported back to Coronado. I like routine and I don't like change, moving Kathie is a change. I know that this procedure will help and my prayer is that she will be physically comforted. We will return to the hospital where we spent 42 anxious days. Back 0n October 16, 2005, I wrote, ‘I have visited Kathie by walking the 170+ paces from the parking structure, through the MRI Bridge at Sharp Hospital.” I will begin that walk again.

Thank you for your comments regarding the website, I have thanked our friend many times for her work. I actually go back and read your comments over and over again as well as read my entries. In a strange way, I almost read the updates wondering “what is happening with my family?”

In God's Grace,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

AUGUST 29, 2006

Last night at 2:28 am I thought of writing to you.

Our family has been busy as summer ends, last week we celebrated Katie's 26th birthday, Andy is on vacation with a friend, Maddie and Hannah continue to have fun with their nanny who is better known as the “summer sister.” Tomorrow though, our summer sister leaves for Colorado, she has been a taxi driver, day trip planner, shopping partner and friend who has blessed our family with her love and support. This could have been a “lost summer” but instead each of us fully lived out the life before us.

Today is our wedding anniversary, 14 years. Last year, Andy watched the girls while Kathie and I enjoyed an early Sunday dinner. We drove our new car, this was Kathie's very first new car, and it was equipped with everything she wanted, we sat in a quiet Del Mar restaurant and enjoyed talking about the whirlwind struggle of the past 13 years. Afterward we went to the beach and sat on a bench near the Scripps Pier.

16 years earlier, a group from church had gone to an afternoon play, I had bribed a friend's daughter with a cookie to switch theater seats so I could sit next to Kathie. Afterwards I was going to the beach and invited Kathie to join me near the Scripps Pier; I spent the next 6 hours getting to know this cute little blonde. When she returned home that night, she told the baby-sitter that “she had just met the man she wanted to marry.” My heart is pounding and I am smiling as I write this because of the connection and closeness we felt on our anniversary last year that comes from a growing love for each other. I will not let the memories of our anniversary be “lost” in the pain of this year. At lunchtime today, I will go sit under the tree outside of the hospital with my wife, maybe cry a little but I will thank our God in Heaven for the gift that Kathie is to my life.

When our strength runs dry and our vision is blinded, will we endure this trial of our faith victoriously or will we turn back in defeat? Oswald Chambers August 29th.

We endure though our faith,
Dave & Kathie

AUGUST 22, 2006

Today Kathie and I sat outside, under the tree were there was a slight breeze blowing through her toes. I massaged her hands, toes and neck as I talked to her.

As I was leaving I glanced in the room where I used to smile and wave, the bed was neatly made with stacked pillows. I pray for her grieving family.

>From friends: Running toward the Goal - I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. Philippians 3:12 (Cont. Eng. Ver.)

Dave

AUGUST 21, 2006

Yesterday, one of the ladies in the room next door to Kathie's passed away. Her husband only spoke Spanish but we communicated through smiles, waves and had the same “look” about ourselves as husbands who care for their wives in tragic circumstances. She was in her late 50’s and had been recovering from a debilitating stroke.

At first she would nod her head as I smiled and waved, as she improved she would wave and smile back. I watched as over the months she was able to do some therapy and sit in a wheelchair. Saturday morning, I stopped at her door; we waved and smiled for the last time. On Sunday, after church, we went to visit Kathie. My friend's room was bustling with activity, in the hallway, her husband had the “look” that told me the story. The families of their adult children were arriving and grief was apparent on their faces.

As we sat with Kathie outside under the trees, my focus was distracted by the grandchildren playing near us mixed with the sadness of the adults who came and went from the entry door. Kathie didn't see a situation and spend time thinking about it, she acted, “faith without works is dead (James 2:17).” I looked into Kathie's eyes and knew what she would do; I told her we would act. It was lunch time, the girls and I drove to a store, bought lunch for the grandchildren and bottles of water for the adults. I touched the hand of her husband, looked him in the eyes and exchanged our sadness with few words; I will never see this family again. As we left to go home, I kissed Kathie and told her that we had acted and extended kindness outside of ourselves.

Don't get caught up in our action, I struggled to even write about this, apply our action to your own life. Our tragedy continues to teach us to look outside ourselves and Kathie continues to be my partner in guiding our family.

We have received and understand kindness,
Dave

AUGUST 17, 2006

Some days, it is just hard to write and I don't write as much when the race before us feels like it is never ending.

We are reminded these days, by Back to School advertisements, that the first day of school is September 5th, the date of our accident a year ago. The girls will carry that memory with them as they start school. I know that you will think of us and pray on that date as you've done so faithfully this year, thank you.

Each week I continue to fill out paperwork for investigations, insurance and medical companies that remind me of specific accident details and Kathie's current condition. We wash her gowns, so they feel like home, rub her neck, talk to her and tell her she is loved by her family, friends and even people who have never met her via this webpage.

The end in, faithfulness to the end, may seem like a long ways off, but it is the only end that is really worth pursuing. Doug Webster, The Essential Wilderness, 1/29/06.

I don't really know how this race will ultimately glorify God but I do understand that we are pursuing His call.
Dave, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie & Audrey

AUGUST 14, 2006

Andy met with a doctor on Thursday; this second opinion was that Andy should not have surgery at this time. This will mean another 6 months of waiting to see what happens to the herniated disk.

He currently doesn't have pain or numbness in his legs and under his doctor’s direction, he works out in the gym to strengthen his body. Our concern is the site of the injury; the doctor would have to go through Andy's chest to repair the disk in his upper back. This second doctor would be the recommended doctor to do the surgery and he would like to wait a little longer to avoid surgery if possible.

By doctor's orders, Andy is limited in the weight he can lift and to only part time work. This means he cannot get a job as a chef and will need to look into other job opportunities. At the same time, Disability has stopped his claim and directed him to the appeal process. He is unable to work in his trained profession because of his disability but cannot receive disability payments because of a rule interpretation and during the appeal process he has been limited to part time work by his doctor. You can see that this problem goes in circles.

We pray for Andy's healing, appeal ruling and job direction as he deals with the loss of his Mom also.
Dave

AUGUST 10, 2006

We continue,

Our summer nanny has been a gift from God, the girls love her like a sister and she treats them the same. They all make the most of the summer opportunities San Diego has to offer, we will miss her at the end of summer but will look back with great memories.

Katie (almost 26) called the other day because she was making fried chicken “the way Mom used to,” and needed my advice. She is also in the process of changing jobs and careers. She and Audrey (8) are happy with their new roommates, new house and enjoying the summer. Andy (23) is still struggling with the Disability Office and frustrated with his lack of healing. He meets with a doctor for a second opinion and planning his surgery today. Madison (13) is back to a round-off and two back handsprings in gymnastics. We are still working on her running endurance in preparation for PE class this fall, seems like forever ago that she was in a body cast. Hannah (9) attends soccer camp this week and starts soccer season soon. At nighttime she stays very close to me and tells me to “be safe,” whenever I’m leaving. Last Sunday, we all met at the hospital to visit Kathie, each of her children talk to her, touch her and say “I love you” as they kiss her good-bye. Each struggles with this loss and I hurt to watch as they miss their Mom. She is a proud mother and I am encouraged to see Kathie’s traits in all her children.

Look at God’s incredible waste of His saints, according to the world’s judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be. Oswald Chambers.

God places each of us,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

AUGUST 3, 2006

The other night at 2:30 am, Hannah woke me up because she couldn't find “Doggy.” Doggy is a pink stuffed poodle that is a favorite nighttime friend. Hannah has been known to sleepwalk but from her voice I knew this was important. I searched around her bed, the living room, kitchen, and bathroom and then noticed Maddie's bedroom door ajar, Hannah had set Doggy on Maddie's bed in her sleep. She said, “Thank you Daddy” as she snuggled in bed with her friend. I thanked God for that moment; her words and smile are worth more than gold. I am worn down by this life and gifts like this are beyond just a story to tell.

I continue visiting Kath every other day massaging, talking to her and when I pray with her, I put my head against her head and ask God for strength and comfort.

I remember to thank God for your prayers and support,
Dave
JULY 28, 2006

I have read the following passage over and over for months now, it is from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest dated today, July 28th. So much of these insights assure me that God is so much larger than our single tragedy.

God's Purpose or Mine?
“He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side…” Mark 6:45

We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God's purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God's purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish” His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" (Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome that is glorifying to God.

God's training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.

God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.

As this has calmed me, I pray it helps you in your life circumstance,
Dave

JULY 27, 2006

Last Friday, Kathie's neurosurgeon looked over her latest CT scan, examined her and he had an immediate appointment opening so I could meet with him. My brother Dan (ER Physician) was in town and attended with me. The neurosurgeon concluded that the pressure caused by the blocked VP Shunt was not causing Kathie any pain. There was a discussion about pain being a conscious feeling and he concluded that Kathie was not feeling pain from brain pressure. For the time being, I have put this surgery on hold until there is evidence of a change in her comfort.

A few weeks ago, Kathie was examined by another doctor and he suggested an ITB Pump that will efficiently administer her current medication. Here is a website that further explains the Pump: http://www.gillettechildrens.org/default.cfm?PID=1.3.14.2#ITB. This surgery will be scheduled in the coming weeks, I will update you.

We are still waiting on a second opinion for Andy's back surgery to repair the herniated disk.

Early Monday morning I left our house with Hannah's quiet tears on my t-shirt, I was spending two days in Tijuana working with a youth group and she wanted me to go but would miss me. She wrote a note on my lunch napkin the night before and put together a bag of clothes for the children. I went to the hospital and sat with Kath for a while and let her know I would be gone for a couple of days and kissed her good-bye. Last July I worked with this youth group on their first house and this year, I was impressed with how hard they worked in very hot weather. The receiving family's father was home working while his wife and three children were away visiting relatives so when she returns today, a new house will have been built for the family. This hard work benefits the receiving family, builds a youth group and it has a cathartic effect in my life, I enjoyed the two days. www.comebuildhope.com/

Our “just like a daughter” (Maddie's friend) is staying with us and the Brat Pack is together again, these three girls are a force to be reckoned with! Of course this visit brings back memories of Kathie's Camp Brat Pack during the last week in July with two of the girls having birthdays this week. Yes, Madison is going to be a teen tomorrow, I've learned that 12 year old girls talk fast and as they turn into teens, they talk even faster! Yes, this is a hard celebration but we pay attention to the birthday details as Kathie would have.

Note: The internet has been a great tool for you and I to keep in touch but I do not include some names for safety.

We pray that Kathie feels God's presence and care,
Dave, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

JULY 19, 2006

Early this morning I woke after having dreams of Kathie. One we were having dinner for two in a cafe and the second we were walking along a beach through ankle deep water. I could hear the laugh I miss.

Years ago, I learned to pray that God would allow me to love Kathie in a way that was better than my efforts alone; I have been blessed by a growing love. Today, when I visit Kathie, I don't just see the loss of my wife, I have a love for a beautiful lady who embodies my love and care. What I am describing may seem odd or a psychological response to stress but to me, this is another miracle that allows our love affair to continue beyond what seems natural or realistic. I still pray to love Kathie beyond my natural ability.

My prayers are heard,
Dave

JULY 17, 2006

This morning I started the process of scheduling Kathie's shunt replacement surgery only to find out that the doctor's office didn't have the CT scans that had been sent out a month ago. No one knew where the films were or how to get it in the right hands. I changed my schedule to visit Kathie today, requesting a copy of the films that I would hand deliver. My visit with Kathie was again nice as we sat outside, an oasis. An hour later, after I kissed Kathie good-bye and told her how much she is loved; a very helpful secretary delivered the films to me. I then drove across town to deliver the envelope to the neurosurgeon's office. The last time I had been at his office was 7 months ago when we had the “no recovery” discussion and it was very draining to go into the building. When I returned to my office, Andy was there to discuss Kathie's care and her future. Tonight, Maddie has said that she needs my help on her project.

I am worn down and the week has just begun but this is not a whining update, just a recognition that your prayers continue to strengthen me during difficult days. I know that there are difficult days in your lives and my family continues to pray “outside of ourselves” for the requests we know of. I also know that the way I move through today is by relying on God's strength.

We start again tomorrow with God's Grace,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

JULY 12, 2006

I never believe that our circumstances simply happen at random, nor do I ever think of my life as being divided into the secular and the sacred. Paraphrasing from Oswald Chambers, July 11th.

As I've written many times before, Kathie and I sat outside under a tree yesterday afternoon. This is the most peaceful time we have together. For an hour we sit outside without hospital sounds feeling a light breeze as I massage her neck and we have a momentary peace. I thank God for my time with Kath.

A few weeks ago, I noticed increased swelling on the right side of Kathie's head. A CT scan confirmed that the shunt in her brain has become blocked and a surgical procedure will be required to correct it. If this swelling is not causing her pain, the plan is to not add another surgery. I have asked the doctors for direction and I would ask for your prayers regarding my decision.

After our visit last Sunday, I watched Hannah with her head to Kathie's, kissing her good bye softly whispering, “I love you.” In the middle of pain; I see visions of God's peace in our lives.

Dave, Andy, Madison and Hannah

JULY 5, 2006

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him. Psalm 37:5. In spiritual issues it is customary for us to put God first, but we tend to think that it is inappropriate and unnecessary to put Him first in the practical, everyday issues of our lives. If we have the idea that we have to put on our "spiritual face" before we can come near to God, then we will never come near to Him. We must come as we are. Oswald Chambers, July 5.

By continuing to update this website, I have given you glimpses into our lives since the accident. As I share, you have been moved to pray, take action or assist others in need, we are connected to one another. We continue to “commit our ways to the Lord” and to serve Him. Thank you for your support and care.

Yesterday, the girls and I ran in our community fun run. As I ran with Madison, Hannah was ahead of us, I encouraged her by reminding her that 10 months ago she was in a body cast that statement is enough to cause all of us to stop and be thankful. I was able to visit Kathie in the afternoon and again this morning, she looks comfortable as I continue to massage her muscles, talk to her and I always let her know that she is loved by you.

In trust,
Dave, Madison and Hannah

JUNE 28, 2006

Andy is preparing for his doctor visit and a discussion about surgery to repair the herniated disk in the middle of his back. I’ll write more as a plan is formed. Maddie and Hannah have taken up exercising and stretching with our summer nanny. The girls have had a lot of fun during their first week of summer.

Tuesday I sat with Kathie as a friend played piano for the hospital patients, afterwards I took her outside so we could be alone. The warm weather and humidity had a tropical feel as I rubbed her neck, feet and arms as the light breeze moved her hair. This morning, I raised up the bed, brushed her hair and filed her finger and toenails. She looked beautiful as I kissed her good bye.

"Let circumstances bring you where they will, keep drawing on the grace of God in every conceivable condition you may be in. One of the greatest proofs that you are drawing on the grace of God is that you can be humiliated without manifesting the slightest trace of anything but His grace." Oswald Chambers, June 26th.

Thank you for blessing us with your prayers,
Dave, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

JUNE 22, 2006

Joshua 1:9 (The Message) Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take." Daily, I need to remind myself of these words. In easier times, I knew God was with me but I didn't rely on Him. Today, I lean on God, forced to live out the faith I've professed.

Yesterday was the first day of summer, a day Kathie looked forward to more than any other. In the evening, Madison shared with me through tears how the day might have gone with Mom. She knows that even though school is out, even though she has a new bed and even though she loves our summer nanny, nothing replaces or eases her loss on the first day of summer.

On Father's Day I woke up thanking God for the woman who had made me a father, her partnership groomed me into this Dad before you. With the help of our neighbor moms, Hannah and Madison made a wonderful brunch. They made me rest while they prepared, served and cleaned up. I treasure the unique gift of love they bring me.

God is with us “every step we take,”
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

JUNE 16, 2006

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 NASB. Jesus does not ask me to die for Him, but to lay down my life for Him... "Wilt thou lay down thy life for My sake?" It is far easier to die than to lay down the life day in and day out with the sense of the high calling. Oswald Chambers, June 16th.

This morning, I met with a doctor and nurse to evaluate Kathie's condition. They were very professional and sensitive toward meeting Kath for the first time; no changes in her condition were noted. She looked relaxed as I kissed her good-bye.

Last night, when I read the passage above, I agreed, it is far easier to die than to lay down my life day in and day out. I am not suicidal, just realistic about this very difficult road we are on. I ask God daily to equip me to serve Him and my family. Some days I struggle to make it under my own power and realize it doesn't work.

Worn down but continuing to serve,
Dave

JUNE 14, 2006

"Abide in Me." John 15:4
Determine to abide in Jesus wherever you are placed. Oswald Chambers.

Leaving teary eyed girls and returning to an empty house last Friday night was very difficult. I knew the girls were taken care of and our building team's service would be appreciated, especially the next time it rains in Tijuana. Tragedies happen on both sides of the border, we never met the widow we were building for, and she was hospitalized with lung cancer. I go on these trips to build and bring hope but I am the one who is served by the families and team members I work with. Hannah's red eyes and smile as Maddie skipped toward me was my welcome home, I am blessed.

Tuesday morning I went to see Kath, her hair had been washed and she smelled so clean. I told her how much I missed her last weekend, hung up the gowns we had washed, talked and sat stroking her hair.

Each day I meet people who follow this web site and encourage our family, thank you for the simple comments you give us. During Hannah's school assembly this morning, I looked around at all the support and love she has received through the principal, staff, teachers, parents and friends who have encouraged her. This is just one aspect of all the people who have allowed our story to go deep into their lives.

We continue to Abide,
Dave, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

JUNE 9, 2006

Yesterday afternoon, we hosted Hannah's Girl Scout Troop, end of the year party. My mom and I were directed by Hannah and Madison and the party had all the touches of Kathie. Details were observed and all the girls had a great time.

This weekend, we are all going different ways. As I head to Tijuana to assist in house building, Maddie and Hannah are with my parents and friends. I enjoyed seeing Kathie today during lunch but I am apprehensive, I would much rather just stay home with my girls keeping them safe within my reach. As I will kiss Maddie and Hannah good-bye, I also kissed Kathie this afternoon.

This road we're on, doesn't take us “out of life.” We continue living and praying outside of ourselves, remember people around us in prayer and action.

Faithfully,
Dave, Madison and Hannah

JUNE 5, 2006

This afternoon will mark 9 months since the accident that changed our lives. 2 Corinthians 5:7, “It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going.”

Saturday morning I arrived at Kathie's bedside just as she was just opening her eyes. I raised up her bed to my eye level, turned on a CD, put my head against hers and hugged her. I spent the rest of my time massaging her legs, neck and arms; she seems to especially relax when I rub her neck.

At lunch today, I sat with Kath and stroked her head; I can't count the number of times I've run my fingers through her hair.

This afternoon, I will be watching Hannah's Girl Scout Bridging Ceremony.

Thank you for your prayers,
Dave

JUNE 2, 2006

The girls are finishing the school year; they have worked hard and with the help of their grandparents, will complete a difficult school year successfully. Madison’s grades are terrific and Hannah will complete 600 laps in her running club or about 150 miles over the last 9 months.

The herniated disk in Andy's back has not yet healed, symptoms remain the same and surgery may be the next option, the MRIs taken this week will be compared to earlier MRIs so the next steps can be planned.

We all continue each day being weighed down by missing Kath. Today, I had to tell two more friends about the accident with no recovery for Kathie. Life just isn't easy, I find myself consoling shocked friends.

Psalm 62: 7-8 My help and glory are in God “granite-strength and safe-harbor-God” so trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be.

Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah
MAY 26, 2006

Last night, Katie and Audrey, Madison, Hannah and I attended the Open House for Audrey and Hannah's elementary school; we enjoyed seeing the art and school work. Maddie visited past teachers as a returning middle schooler. For the last eight years on these nights, I have been loaded down with a thermos, cups and cookies as Kathie was an annual Room Mom and would host the classroom Open House. I carried this memory while showing enthusiasm and interest in everything the girls wanted me to see. Hannah's poem about summer mentioned that this was her mom's favorite season.

Kathie loved the summer months because she could spend it with the girls and enjoyed filling the days with adventures. As we observe Memorial Day, our family knows that Kathie was looking forward to the summer. A favorite activity was Brat Pack, where the girls and some of their friends would spend the week together in Kathie's own day camp. Crafts, the pool, hair, the beach, shopping and dinner with the dads were all part of her planning. This summer I asked a family friend to spend the summer with the girls, she will arrive just as school is out and leave at the end of summer. We will live our summer days with a vigor that Kathie promoted.

2 Corinthians 5:7, We live by faith not by sight or from the Message: It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going.
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah, Katie and Audrey

MAY 24, 2006

This morning I visited Kathie. I continue to see her every other day, as time and responsibilities allow. I always kiss her hello and good-bye when I leave, I massage her head, neck and arms as I talk to her. My goal is to make sure she is comfortable and I am thankful for the care she receives, the staff is very diligent and helpful.

I use a daily reminder, which I have scheduled on my computer, to help me continue on this path. The following quotes come up at 10 am, weekdays:

2 Corinthians 6:4 (The Message) Our work as God's servants gets validated--or not--in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times.

Taking the Next Steps, Oswald Chambers (March 6) …in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distress. (2 Corinthians 6:4)

When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life... and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to him, in reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step...

Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh and blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement and no improvement but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. The only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you.

The end in, faithfulness to the end, may seem like a long ways off, but it is the only end that is really worth pursuing. Doug Webster.

Thank you for your continued prayers,
Dave and Kathie

MAY 15, 2006

This was an emotionally exhausting weekend but we celebrated Kathie and a lot of other mothers in our lives.

I'm going to steal some of Maddie’s thunder and tell you that she attended a gymnastic class on Friday and as a friend said, “she was tentative for about 5 seconds.” It was wonderful to see her pointing her toes, vaulting on the trampoline and doing cartwheels, the back handsprings will come later.

Andy summed up Mother’s Day by saying that as people compliment him, he recognizes and credits the sacrifices of a single mom, her patience, persistence, teaching and as he grew up her friendship. I see Kathie’s love and hear it in Andy’s voice as he celebrates Mom.

From Oswald Chambers, (April 27, My Utmost for His Highest) There is nothing easier than getting into the right relationship with God, unless it is not God you seek but only what He can give you.

We celebrated the gift of Kathie's love yesterday and days to come,
Dave, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

MAY 11, 2006

Yesterday, Maddie had a doctor's appointment and x-rays that showed she is healing. She was very excited and I have asked her to write a later update.

We are very thankful to Dr. Patel of Children's Hospital whose wisdom, care and watchful eye has guided Maddie back to health. Dr. Patel and Dr. Swartz of UCSD Medical Hospital chose to use a new technique in pinning Maddie’s pelvis, she was the second child to have this procedure done at Children's Hospital, and a screw had to be inserted into a dime size area without hitting nerves. After our accident, I first saw Madison at 2:30 am in a darkened hospital room, next she was in a body cast then came the pin surgery, wheelchair to crutches and walking.

As I sat in the lobby of Children's, I prayed for the parents of the disabled children I saw, for some this will be a memory, some will never see their children recover, I will see Maddie turn a cartwheel again.

Today, when I returned from seeing Kathie, I received a card at my office. A friend reminded me that we are prayed for often and shared a memory of Kathie. We appreciate you more than you know and we realize that you also miss Kathie.

Thank you for the care you have given us,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

MAY 8, 2006

Saturday morning, I had a dream that Kathie was talking to me and I woke up exhausted. Yesterday, Maddie had a difficult time seeing Kathie, “my friends have their moms,” she said tearfully, I held her close. Our family is surprised daily in pain and blessing. In the afternoon, Hannah jogged and kicked the soccer ball while Maddie and I worked out in the gym. Madison is lifting weights and running on a treadmill to build her stamina. We all went swimming, wrestled in the pool and Hannah worked on her head-first dive from the diving board.

>From Oswald Chambers today: Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but it is a strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. Even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him.

This coming weekend many of us will celebrate, painfully, the love of a missing mom but we will still celebrate that special love because it came from Mom.

We know Him,
Dave, Madison and Hannah

MAY 1, 2006

Today; God granted me a peaceful hour with my wife. At lunch time I took Kathie outside of the hospital and we sat in the quiet, sunshine and blue sky of Coronado. I sat on her right side facing her, holding her hand and her body relaxed as I talked to her. I felt tears as I realized how close we were and her green eyes seemed to look inside of me. I have no idea what she sees or hears but today God allowed me 60 minutes of peace with Kath.

I am grateful for this gift,
Dave

APRIL 27, 2006

I have thought about writing over the last few days but nothing has drawn me to action. I appreciate the encouraging cards, prayers and Guestbook entries. You would be amazed at how little words can take me out of “myself” and bring me back to this life.

We continue school, work, and daily tasks. I sit with Kathie about every other day, sometimes more. Her eyes have been open but there will be no response, I look to make her comfortable and convey my love. Maddie and I talked about the dreams she has had of Mom. Hannah took a long shower the other night; she came out looking very serious, she had been thinking about the accident and wondered “how is the fireman doing” (the driver of the tanker truck). Our family has prayed for him. Andy shared during our Griefshare class that, because we choose to follow Christ, we have no choice but to especially rely on Him during this limbo. He impresses me. Katie struggles having lost the strong support of her Mom while raising Audrey.

From Oswald Chambers, (April 27, My Utmost for His Highest) There is nothing easier than getting into the right relationship with God, unless it is not God you seek but only what He can give you. If you have only come as far as asking God for things, you have never come to the point of understanding the least bit of what surrender really means. You have become a Christian based on your own terms. He is not concerned about making you blessed and happy right now but He's continually working out His ultimate perfection for you.

Thank you for your kindness,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

APRIL 18, 2006

On November 27th, I wrote, “In spite of our feelings, we will choose Joy this holiday season” and I thought about that entry on Easter Sunday. After I had shopped with the girls, colored eggs, filled baskets and hidden eggs, I felt empty and worn out around 4 pm. I do choose the Joy that is associated with the resurrected Christ but for now, my life feels empty and “duty” is my motivation each day. January 3rd, I quoted Hebrews 11: 1The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes my life worth living. It's my handle on what I can't see.

Today I sat with Kath outside of the beeping alarms and fluorescent lights of her room, the sky was blue and we sat in the sun. I talked to her, kissed her, stroked her arms and I miss her when I have to leave.

The end in, faithfulness to the end, may seem like a long ways off, but it is the only end that is really worth pursuing.

I cling to my faith,
Dave

APRIL 13, 2006

I woke up Wednesday morning with a sore back, my hands hurting and a slight headache. I smiled because those are all the signs of a successful house building trip and we returned safely late Tuesday night. The youth trip went great and I was again amazed that the houses were built by Jr. High, High School and College students giving up their spring break to help the poor. Maddie looked strong, worked hard and had a lot of fun with her friends.

Thank you to our family and friends who supported our trip. I was pleased to read over the guest registry at the hospital and see the names of Kathie's visitors. Hannah enjoyed her adventures with friends had great stories. I took Wednesday off so the girls and I could be together.

I thought of the times I would return from a building trip, dusty and dirty. I would approach Kathie like I was going to give her a hug, she would put her index finger on my chest and say, “not until you shower mister,” and the girls would giggle. I sat with her last night, she woke up slightly and I kissed her as she went back to sleep. I thank God for such good memories of my wife.

Thank you for your prayers,
Dave, Andy, Madison and Hannah

APRIL 7, 2006

My grandfather is feeling much better and as he recovers we witnessed an historic event. Madison, his 12 year old great, granddaughter programmed and taught him how to use his new cell phone. You can imagine the changes in technology he has seen in his 91 years.

Yesterday, my parents and I attended a memorial service for our friend Sally, a beautiful service for such a beautiful Christian lady. After the service, I spent the afternoon with Kathie. I removed the old nail polish from her toes; a friend had given her a pedicure a few weeks ago, and I massaged lotion on her feet. She opened her eyes as I massaged her back and a friend came by to read a story to her, I stayed with her until she went back to sleep.

I saw Andy today and he looked great, he is enjoying his new house, roommates and even the soreness that comes with working part-time as his injuries slowly heal. I am very proud of him.

This Sunday to Tuesday, Maddie and I will be working just over the Mexican border in Rosarito, building houses with our church youth group. I started building with the youth group when Andy was in High School and it has become a project our whole family has supported over the years. The organization web site is www.amorministries.org and their theme is Come Build Hope. This year is especially tough to leave, I want to stay close to Kathie and even though Hannah will be enjoying friends, I don't want to be away, I want to hold the girls close. I have learned over the years that when I am hurting, I can focus on myself or serve someone in need. We will build a house and hope for two families.

Your prayers continue to pick us up,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah


APRIL 3, 2006

Friday afternoon; my grandfather had a mild heart attack. A stint relieved the pain in his left arm and he is resting comfortably. I'm actually surprised he didn't drive himself to the hospital. The man is 91 years old and has talked with me about going “home” anytime the Lord wants him.

In the same hospital Saturday night, a beautiful friend with Leukemia passed away from complications caused by pneumonia. Sally created a light in a glass brick for my parents and I, she called it “Kathie's light.” She also made gospel CD’s to inspire us during these last 7 months. A sweet Christian friend and single mom of two college aged sons.

Last night I was reading Psalm 119, here are verses 1-8 from The Message. You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by GOD. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right--you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, GOD, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do...

Today I will go to see Kathie at lunchtime. The insanity that can be caused by “why” has been steadily replaced with “what.” Lord, you are in control, what do you want me to learn and what do you want for our children and what do you want our friends to see? I will never understand the "why" of tragedies but instead I strive to know the Lord who has set my course from the beginning of time.

Oh, that our steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey
MARCH 27, 2006

Other than bumping her hip from time to time, Maddie has been healing just fine.

Kathie has been sleeping peacefully during my last few visits. Saturday, after a Men's Group breakfast, I took her outside where we found a sunny corner and I rubbed her feet and talked to her. Today I visited at lunch and told her how pretty she is and how much I miss her.

Oswald Chambers reading for March 27th, Compare this week in your spiritual life with the same week last year to see how God has called you to a higher level. We have all been brought to see from a higher viewpoint. This accident has called you and me to this higher viewpoint.

Thank you for your continued prayers and guestbook entries,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

MARCH 24, 2006

On Wednesday I was off of work and I kept both girls out of school for a recovery day. If you want a 12 year old girl to walk after surgery what carrot would you use? Kathie taught me that a trip to the mall is good medicine. Madison and Hannah keep me moving and much like putting up Christmas lights, I must do activities that cause me to see Kathie. We went to her favorite mall and I saw her everywhere. After lunch, and one more store, I went to see Kathie and tell her about Maddie’s recovery and our day. I enjoy watching Kathie sleep, relaxed and comfortable, I always kiss her lips as I leave. I met my parents and the girls for pizza on the way home.

These last two days have been emotionally exhausting and just as I was going to bed our telephone rang. A good friend called, the kind of call that reminds me that we are cared for, covered in prayer and not alone, just hearing his voice was comforting. Calls like that don’t come by accident; I thanked God for that blessing and the blessings we received Tuesday and Wednesday.

Matt. 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

We appreciate our “daily bread,”
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

MARCH 21, 2006

I started to tear up as I watched my little girl, she seemed so grown up as she walked into surgery talking with the nurses. The procedure went well and after three hours in recovery, I took Maddie home. The wound site is sore; she is resting comfortably but will stay home from school tomorrow. The doctors and nurses did a wonderful job and your prayers were answered positively.

Dave & Maddie

MARCH 20, 2006

Read the March 7th update by Maddie, I have read it multiple times. Tomorrow I take Maddie in for the outpatient surgery to remove the pin in her pelvis. This should be her 3rd and final surgery to repair the fracture. She is in good spirits and ready for her surgery at 9:50 am. Please pray for the doctor's skill.

I sat with Kathie at lunch today and told her about Madison’s surgery, I miss her counsel. I think of her hourly and emotionally, some days just harder than others. Last night Hannah had a nightmare of being told that her mom had died. She told me about it this morning, and then I watched her pick up her backpack and walk from the truck to school. I see miracles, in the God-given strength of these two girls.

Our family struggles, in our own ways, to be faithful servants,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

MARCH 13, 2006

I’ve enjoyed reading Maddie’s update over and over; I am proud of her.

Last Thursday we celebrated Hannah’s 9th birthday. Maddie and I took her to breakfast and then a good friend had put pictures and posters up around her school so everyone would know about her birthday. With help from her teacher, she passed out cookies to her classmates as school was ending. We would have made cupcakes but Hannah said, “We just couldn’t make cupcakes like Mom would have.” Special days emphasize our special loss.

Andy has taken a part time job and even though it is not where he would like to be professionally, he is interacting with customers and enjoying work. He has also moved in with some friends not too far from us. We miss him but this is a good move as he heals and rebuilds his life.

Thursday afternoon, after attending a memorial service for a friend, I went to see Kathie. During my last few visits she has been relaxed, I put my hand behind her head and massage her neck and she usually falls asleep.

It takes much more of the grace of God and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step...Oswald Chambers.

Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

MARCH 7, 2006

Hello Everyone,

This is Maddie today, I know that you are all used to hearing from my dad, so I thought I’d shake things up a little. On Friday, March 3rd I had an appointment with my orthopedist. I know that my dad has written a short letter about my healing but I thought I would give you the 411 on everything that is happening with my pelvis. At my appointment my orthopedist said that I am healing very well. She gave me some boundaries like not to run any marathons anytime soon (like I would), and when I jump on the trampoline not to jump very high at all. Otherwise she said I'm doing a great job. Today my dad told me that he has scheduled an appointment for my surgery!!! I'm really excited for this surgery it will be Tuesday, March 21. It’s been a long healing process and I'm not even done yet. The doctor said that it would be about a year before I got back into gymnastics. I am very blessed to be able to recover after my tragic injury. I just wanted to let you know how the prayers that you have prayed have been answered (well some of them). Thank you all very much for all the support. We really appreciate everything you all do for us. Thanks again.

With Love,
Maddie

MARCH 6, 2006

I sat with Kathie yesterday as the afternoon hours passed marking the tragic changes of our September 5th. I hugged her, kissed her and cried with my head against hers.

At night, I have started pre-reading my devotional for the following day. It was timely and I was encouraged by Taking the Next Steps as it pertains to my life. I also thought it would be encouraging to you. I am aware of losses, pain and many tragic events have happened to friends around me, we all need perseverance to take the next steps.

Taking the Next Steps, Oswald Chambers (March 6) “…in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distress.” (2 Corinthians 6:4)

When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life... and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to him, in reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step...

Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh and blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement and no improvement but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. The only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you.

We continue to persevere with you,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

MARCH 1, 2006

We are approaching the six month anniversary of our accident.

Madison’s pelvic fracture continues to heal and this morning she was examined by her Orthopedic Doctor. Next, the doctor will schedule an out-patient surgery to remove the screw from her pelvis. Her healing will take about a year from the accident. When Maddie was in the body cast, a friend made her two pairs of shorts with Velcro sides. We donated the shorts for the next child in this uncomfortable position, the doctor knew a girl who would appreciate the shorts right now. After the appointment, we went to the orthopedic recovery area where Maddie had stayed and donated two new DVD’s to the library. The smells, hallways and nurse's stations flooded back memories for both of us. The memories of a body cast, wheelchairs and crutches seem like a lifetime ago. We recognize that we are blessed with Madison’s healing.

Thankfully,

Dave & Maddie

FEBRUARY 28, 2006

Friends,

Andy, Madison, Hannah and I participated in a family counseling session last week. Audrey and Katie were going to join us but missed because of a lost car key. Everyone shared their memories of September 5th and ultimately, through tears and laughter, beautiful descriptions of Mom emerged as each of us shared. If you were to tell Kathie that it was a healthy discussion, she would not have been surprised; she raised a healthy family to love deeply.

In my visits, I continue to stretch and massage her muscles, talk to her, pray for God's presence and make sure she is comfortable.

Today is Andy's 23rd birthday; we celebrate the blessings he brings to our lives. As he heals, I have appreciated the help he has been.

From Sunday's sermon: “The end in “faithfulness to the end” may seem like a long ways off, but it is the only end that is really worth pursuing.” Doug Webster.

We continue in “faithfulness to the end,”
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

FEBRUARY 21, 2006

Thank you for your continuing prayers.

I need to keep going back to Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Our family continues to live with our burdens and we accept rest as a gift. I am very aware of the burdens many of you live with and I pray that you will find rest also.

Friday, Hannah and I went to our first Father / Daughter dance and we had a great time. She was very excited, bought a new skirt with Grandma to surprise me; we ate pizza and danced. As I remember my first dance with Maddie, I can never forget my evening with Hannah.

Saturday morning, Maddie flew to Denver with her good friend to visit the third member of the “Brat Pack.” She had a wonderful time with these girls who have been friends since they were 3 years old. After the airport trip, Hannah, a friend and I completed a long awaited trip to Sea World. As the park closed we made our way to the car with Hannah's clothes wet from a ride and a big smile on her face.

Sunday, we went to church, I attended another Griefshare class, visited Kathie with Hannah, lunch with Andy, Hannah played with a friend and I went back to sit with Kathie.

Monday, before I picked up the travelers, I spent time with Kathie. We sat for an hour outside in the sun, as the weather turned cold; I took her inside and sat with my hand under her head as she fell asleep.

I allowed two consecutive days, Friday and Saturday, without seeing Kathie. These are the first consecutive days I have been away from Kathie since the accident. We live through each of our activities with a burden, everything we do reminds us of Kathie and we can only find rest in our faith. As I see your burdens, I pray that you are finding rest, in Christ.

You are in our prayers,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

FEBRUARY 13, 2006

Friends,

Each weekend, Kathie and I enjoyed our time together, and since the accident weekends can be tough. We had a better weekend.

Friday night, Madison was cleaning out her room and cried as she went through her collection of notes that Kathie had written to her. She and I didn't say anything, just held each other and in a few minutes I kissed her forehead and we went back to our tasks.

Saturday morning, breakfast out then Hannah was off with friends, Andy and I sat on the patio, talked about our lives and reconnected. I took Madison to the gym and exercised, she is still weak with little endurance. Andy, Madison and I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning, fixing and organizing around the house. With our low energy levels, it has been difficult to even complete everyday tasks. Saturday evening I had a good visit with Kath.

Sunday, we attended church and I attend a Griefshare class as I work through the process of my personal loss. Kathie and other patients were outside so we took turns talking to her and massaging her muscles. A friend who visits early every Sunday morning came later and joined us. It is encouraging to me to see the way she talked to Kathie as she massaged her arms. I look at the visitors log book and appreciate all of you who visit her.

Sunday afternoon I promised a trip to the MALL. I am a "hunter," need shoes, find shoe store, try shoe on, like shoe color? Buy it; bag it, out the door. Madison and Hannah have revised my “rules of engagement” for the mall. I now say; “of course we can go into another store,” “take your time;” “hmmm, what do you think?” “Cute!” Then I pay a salesperson that is a few years older than Maddie and smile. A funny sounding story, but well worth walking through the mall with both girls holding my hands, the kiss on my cheek and “thank you daddy” echoing in my ears.

During Sunday nights visit, Out of Africa was on the television as I massaged Kathie's muscles, rubbed her neck and sat next to her with my hand touching her shoulder. Saturday, I bought our children's valentine cards, Sunday night I sat with my valentine.

I realize that in our loss, we have not lost everything.
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah


FEBRUARY 8, 2006

Friends,

This morning as I made lunches, Hannah laid down on the couch in our kitchen, I covered her in a soft blanket, in a few minutes she said she was still cold so I stopped, found a second blanket and covered her again. She smiled, continued smiling and then said “now I'm too hot,” as she giggled. All of our children exhibit some sense of Kathie's humor and that helps me smile.

Andy has been interviewing for different job positions, his ability to lift is limited by doctor's orders so his work and training as a chef has also been put on hold as he waits four months to a year. He continues to heal slowly, discussing career options while missing the support of his mom.

Maddie has been working on a school presentation and talks about how she would routinely bounce ideas off her mom. Her forehead, eyelid and cheek are healing from the accident cuts and lacerations.

On Tuesday, some of our friends entertained the patents with piano and singing. During my lunchtime I took Kathie outside, we sat in the sun with a warm breeze and I massaged her neck and shoulders while talking to her.

Psalm 5:3 (NIV) In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Thank you for your support,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

JANUARY 31, 2006

Friends,

No changes to report, Kathie does turn her head to the left sometimes, her eyes are open but she does not respond. After some visits with her I leave actually feeling like I've comforted her and sometimes I even feel comforted by her presence, last night though it was difficult and troubling to leave her. No one reason, just feeling worn down by this “wilderness” we are in. We know we are not alone, your prayers are evidence of that but in many ways, and we are alone in what God is doing with my family.

Last Sunday's sermon was on Luke 4 1-13, about Jesus preparing for ministry in the wilderness after his baptism. I was touched and encouraged through this powerful conclusion by our pastor Doug Webster, I thought I would share it with you. For the full audio version:
http://www.fpcsd.org/worship/sermons/audio/sermons-audio.html

I’d like you to think about how the wilderness has played a part in your life and whether or not if you experienced that kind of wilderness yourself, if you'd be able to respond in faithfulness and obedience and loyalty to the Lord Jesus. I’d also like to ask you to think about the ways that God is calling you to lead and how that leadership is dependent upon you following the Lord Jesus.

Maybe you've reached the point where you need to be identified with God by baptism and you haven't been, you haven't come to that place of really identifying your own sinfulness and need and with the Father's redemption in your life and you need, you need to make that step like Jesus did.

Maybe you haven't been in the habit of looking at the hard times and the circumstances that afflict your life in the light of Jesus in the wilderness that these are tests for your commitment, your followership of God and maybe this is the time to do that.
Amen

I continue to pray that we are faithful, obedient and loyal,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

JANUARY 24, 2006

While attending to the weekday tasks of school and work, we live each day with the emotional load of missing Kathie.

Like you, I make breakfast, pack lunches, feed the dog and take Hannah to school but I recognize the blessing of friends and neighbors who have taken care of Maddie's carpool and Hannah's ride home from school. My parents or Andy are at home when the girls get out of school to help with snacks and homework. Meals are still dropped off two nights a week and when I add up all of these “little blessings” plus your prayers, I realize that our daily load is lightened by you. We continue “standing” because of our faith and your support. We are very grateful.

I have tried to share with you the blessings we've experienced, so that as you hear our story, you are able to care for others.

We continue,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

JANUARY 17 - 5:00 PM

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

I continue visiting Kathie 5-6 times a week, talking to her, massaging her muscles, stroking her head and letting her know how much she is loved. I see her almost every day and miss her very much.

Hannah ran a mile course through Lego Land on Saturday, she smiles as she runs. When Andy came home from the hospital, he couldn't go upstairs so his rented hospital bed and wheelchair had to fit into Hannah's room, on the bottom floor. Once Andy moved back upstairs, I installed a new floor and finally put Hannah's bedroom back together yesterday.

Maddie is stretching her muscles and thinking about gymnastics, a simple cartwheel caused pain a few weeks back but now she is moving freely. Her facial scars continue to heal slowly.

Andy is still in the waiting process for his herniated disk to heal, the injury is in the middle of his back, internal to the spine. If surgery is required, a surgeon would need to enter through his chest to repair the disk. He has no nerve pain, is feeling better and moving normally.

We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. Oswald Chambers.

Thank you for blessing us,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah

JANUARY 11, 2006 - 1:00 PM

Friends,
I know many of you are wondering what will happen next with Kathie and what decisions will I make, I do not have a timetable. If you are praying for our family, let me lead you toward our prayer.

Matthew 6:34 (The Message) Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

I pray this for each member of my family.

Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison, Hannah, Katie and Audrey

JANUARY 9, 2006 - 3:30 PM

Friends,
Psalm 40:1-2 (The Message) I waited and waited and waited for GOD. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip. I know there is hope in this Psalm but the waiting and wading is so difficult.

Today, I received Kathie's personal items from her office, her co-workers have been so supportive but looking through the items is very painful. Kathie's Medi-Cal application won't require a hearing so the process I started in October should finish in 30 days. I spoke with her doctor and we have canceled the Neurologist consultation until we see any change in her condition.

Many of you have asked about Madison and Hannah. They are handling our loss as they should. Hannah has cried on my shoulder and when talking in her sleep has said "her name is Kathie Jones." Madison was braiding her hair and after many attempts cried, " I wish Mom were here." They speak freely and pray warmly for Mom and encourage me by saying, "Dad, you are doing a great job."

Each day I answer written and verbal questions regarding Kathie, pray, read the bible, study devotionals and try to live and not just "get through" the day. At night though, my hand smells like Kathie's vanilla scented lotion. I wonder what I'm doing and I continue waiting on God.
Dave

JANUARY 5, 2006 - 3:00 PM

Friends:
I wasn’t going to visit Kathie today during lunch, but it was such a beautiful day (mid 70’s) that I decided to take her out of her room and sit in the sunshine. I wheeled her into an area surrounded by grass, uncovered her legs and took off her fuzzy pink socks so she could feel the warmth on her toes. She was wearing her hat and looked like she was relaxing in a park, so peaceful. She fell asleep and I just sat next to her rubbing her toes and arms. She woke up about 10 minutes before I had to leave and looked at me; I loved the opportunity to be with her.
I believe that hell is “separation from God.” God’s miracles kept her alive during surgery; Kathie is not separated from God. I believe that God holds her very close.
Thank you for blessing us with your prayers,
Dave

JANUARY 3, 2006 - 4:00 PM

Friends,

I have been striving to live and lead Hebrews 11; this is inspiring to read but hard to live.

1The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes my life worth living. It's my handle on what I can't see. 2The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

On New Year's Eve, I choked out these words from How Great Thou Art as I was driving home, tears streaming down my face, after leaving Kathie. I know that God hears my cry.

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart. Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee, how great Thou art, how great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee, how great Thou art, how great Thou art!

We choose Joy this Christmas and we hold onto that Joy daily, but like many of you, we lived the holidays hour by hour, excited, laughing, sharing memories and feeling the pain.

Thank you for upholding us in your prayers,
Dave, Kathie, Andy, Madison and Hannah