NOVEMBER 23, 2010

Psalm 123:1 I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven.

Yesterday was Kathie’s 51 Birthday, as my afternoon visit turned into evening; I allowed her bedroom to remain dimly lit. The light change reflected the growing darkness I felt in my soul with deep sadness. I had raised her bed up to my eye level, I stood on her right side, looking into her eyes. Her eyes were big and seemed to follow me as I spoke to her. I said, “Where are you God?” as I kissed her lips longing for a response and whispering, “I love you.” A nurse checking on Kath recognized that he had interrupted because I didn’t have my usual happy response; instead I let him know that this is one of the harder days our family experiences, he understood.

I tried to leave Kathie’s room five times before I could finally say “good-night.” That evening I read Ben Patterson’s book on the Psalms and was encouraged by his commentary on verse 1. The reminder that God’s perspective is above mine and He sees Kathie and I at this moment in time and a much larger perfect perspective of the rest of our lives. I gain hope from that thought and knowing the Kathie is cradled in God’s arms on her Birthday and God knows where we are.

Psalm 123: 3, Have mercy on us, LORD, have mercy on us…,

Dave & Kathie

Comments

  1. Sister of TBI GuyNovember 23, 2010 at 1:43 PM

    Awwww. Dear Dave, I so empathize with this encounter and the grief that does indeed boil up sometimes. It is hard. It just is. I guess the best thing is to let it wash over you, and know that the blood of Christ is also washing over you and Kathie and the children. Let the rain fall and cleanse. God love you my brother in Christ, during this Thanksgiving and Holiday time... Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers here in Philly! We have just gotten the hospital bed and hoyer lift set up today for our time with Jim for the long Thanksgiving weekend. He comes home tomorrow. It will be both a joy to have him here and out of the nursing home and a struggle to be reminded of Jim's accident and the 4 years of changed lives.
    In great solidarity, much love and prayers, Laura

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sister of TBI GuyNovember 23, 2010 at 1:45 PM

    I have also tried to leave Jim's room 5 times so many times.... Thank-you for being so honest and real. It helps me to know that my struggles and sorrow for Jim's stuck situation are not unusual, that there are many of us who care deeply for our hurt loved ones. Laura

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