OCTOBER 31, 2011

From Streams in the Desert, October 7 (yes I’ve been trying to write since the 7^th).

Isaiah 50:10: Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on their God.

“What is a believer to do in times of darkness – a darkness of perplexities and confusion – a darkness not of the heart but of the mind? These times of darkness come to a faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God. They come as seasons when he does not know what to do or which way to turn. His sky becomes overcast with clouds, and the clear light of heaven does not shine on his path, so that he feels as if he were groping his way through complete darkness.”

Since the middle of July I have felt this type of fog or darkness. I had a brief sickness in July brought on by my pace of life, and it seems that pace has continued. Work stress, Maddie leaving for college, my church leadership role, coaching Hannah’s soccer team, all activities I enjoy but each task seems cumbersome and takes extra effort. I am usually sick once a year, I am now sick for the second time in four months. The passage continues, “… When you find yourself in a spiritual fog, do not run ahead but slow the pace of your life.” I play that sentence over in my head and I’m comparing my pace to that of Christ’s early morning meditations and prayer. It is time for me to run less and pray more.

On October 17^th, Kathie and I made our third trip to Coronado and visited Coronado Hospital’s Sub-acute staff and patients. We spent quite a while with Kathie’s old roommate Maria, known affectionately as “my favorite brat.” We also visited Vanessa and her mother, Vanessa drowned when her car flipped in an irrigation ditch, she was revived but her brain was damaged. Her mother and sisters are ever present at the hospital. We were also greeted with many smiles from staff members who hugged me and greeted Kathie with, “hello Mrs. Jones.” Sadly, Noreen, our first charge nurse had passed away last summer from breast cancer. She fought valiantly and it is hard not to ask God, “why” we would lose such a woman who cared for so many patients and families. Kathie and I have donated in her name with sad hearts.

The time I spend coaching soccer could turn into guilt as it costs me a visit with Kathie per week but I have also learned to balance visits with Kathie and the needs of our family. This Thanksgiving we will spend 3 days in Montana with my Family. Hard for me to be away from her but also necessary to share time elsewhere. Bath nights are the most intimate times we spend together, I turn off the lights that shine in her face and spend extra time washing her hair, massaging her scalp then I wash her body with Japanese Cherry Blossom shower gel. She isn’t always cooperative but by the time I am done and she is in bed again, she looks very relaxed and content. Yesterday, Sunday, I wasn’t feeling well so I sat and watched as Hannah lay her head next to Kathie’s while gently played with her hair. That is a snap-shot to remember.

Madison is doing well in college and we enjoyed flying her home for a visit the last weekend in September, it had been eight weeks since I’d seen her and she looked so grown up with I picked her up at the airport. She attended her high school homecoming and was happy to see Hannah on the football field, the JV cheers during the Varsity Game, and it was fun that Maddie wanted to sit with me during the game.

A few weeks ago I spoke briefly at a Men’s Breakfast about how I am uniquely blessed to have such a legacy and long history at First Presbyterian especially with the men of my Church. I shared this favorite quote of Oswald Chambers: “We do not need the grace of God to withstand crisis – human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. But is does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery and living an ordinary, unnoticed and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus…We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people, this is not learned in five minutes.” Today I have been praying for my friend, a man who lost his wife two years ago, who also raises a daughter and lives his ordinary life as a disciple of Jesus, for his strength.

Kathie continues to favor her right side and I still love to see her turn her head when I arrive and say, ‘hey Kath!” I still tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her.

Take care,

Dave