2010
Friday, December 31, 2010
DECEMBER 31, 2010
You shall not go out with haste, . . . for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard —Isaiah 52:12
We had a nice Christmas celebration. I was more fatigued than past years, I also added a family trip to Disneyland last Monday through Wednesday. I've noticed that the time between Halloween and New Year's can be difficult, for the last 5 years I've looked forward to New Year's Day because it marks the completion of a stressful time. I work hard to "Choose Joy" during these days.
Kathie is doing well and seems to be comfortable. I continue helping with her evening bath, painting her nails, visiting and praying for her peace. I have been encouraged by people who still lift up Kathie and our family in prayer, I'm reminded to pray outside myself for you.
"Security for Today. “You shall not go out with haste . . . .” As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ. Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 31.
In His hands,
Dave & Kathie
We had a nice Christmas celebration. I was more fatigued than past years, I also added a family trip to Disneyland last Monday through Wednesday. I've noticed that the time between Halloween and New Year's can be difficult, for the last 5 years I've looked forward to New Year's Day because it marks the completion of a stressful time. I work hard to "Choose Joy" during these days.
Kathie is doing well and seems to be comfortable. I continue helping with her evening bath, painting her nails, visiting and praying for her peace. I have been encouraged by people who still lift up Kathie and our family in prayer, I'm reminded to pray outside myself for you.
"Security for Today. “You shall not go out with haste . . . .” As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ. Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 31.
In His hands,
Dave & Kathie
Monday, December 13, 2010
DECEMBER 13, 2010
Last Monday, Kathie and I went to the Shopping Mall, this was the second year since our accident I have been able to Christmas shop with her. She seemed interested in the lights, sounds and being out in public. As we have experienced on other trips, people stare or bumping into her chair with an occasional person who gives us a smile. I know the elevators that work best for a wheelchair and how to ask stores to hold packages so everything isn't attached to her chair. She seemed to enjoy the small tastes of soda I gave her at lunch. I put my finger over the end of a drinking straw and allow a very small amount onto her tongue. I was blessed by our time together.
Blessings,
Dave & Kathie
Blessings,
Dave & Kathie
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
NOVEMBER 23, 2010
Psalm 123:1 I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven.
Yesterday was Kathie’s 51 Birthday, as my afternoon visit turned into evening; I allowed her bedroom to remain dimly lit. The light change reflected the growing darkness I felt in my soul with deep sadness. I had raised her bed up to my eye level, I stood on her right side, looking into her eyes. Her eyes were big and seemed to follow me as I spoke to her. I said, “Where are you God?” as I kissed her lips longing for a response and whispering, “I love you.” A nurse checking on Kath recognized that he had interrupted because I didn’t have my usual happy response; instead I let him know that this is one of the harder days our family experiences, he understood.
I tried to leave Kathie’s room five times before I could finally say “good-night.” That evening I read Ben Patterson’s book on the Psalms and was encouraged by his commentary on verse 1. The reminder that God’s perspective is above mine and He sees Kathie and I at this moment in time and a much larger perfect perspective of the rest of our lives. I gain hope from that thought and knowing the Kathie is cradled in God’s arms on her Birthday and God knows where we are.
Psalm 123: 3, Have mercy on us, LORD, have mercy on us…,
Dave & Kathie
Monday, November 15, 2010
NOVEMBER 14, 2010
Last Tuesday Kathie and I participated in a trip to the San Diego Zoo with Care Meridian. We spent the day strolling around the different animal exhibits. I continue to learn about maneuvering a wheelchair around people and avoiding bumps in the road. As our day came to an end, I was able to sit with her and rub her neck in the back of an eating area. I moved from side to side while talking to her, today she followed me back and forth turning her head as I moved.
I have been able to see my love for Kathie grow during these years and I count it as a blessing to look into her eyes.
Dave
Friday, October 29, 2010
OCTOBER 29, 2010
Last Saturday evening, I was able to help with Kathie’s bath after a very busy day. Her long abdominal scar was a chilling, visual reminder of where we were five years ago. Collapsed lungs, spleenectomy, lacerated liver, a severe right brain injury and long days in the ICU. I remember one of the assisting trauma surgeons telling me, “She could have died from any one of those injuries.” After her bath I brushed her hair, let her know how pretty she is then sat with her quietly. I find moments of solace when I sit holding her hand, the next day would be a physically and emotional busy day, my Birthday.
October 24, My Utmost for His Highest,
“The proper perspective of a servant of God must not simply be as near to the highest as he can get, but it must be the highest. Be careful that you vigorously maintain God’s perspective, and remember that it must be done every day, little by little. Don’t think on a finite level. No outside power can touch the proper perspective.
… Paul said, in essence, “I am in the procession of a conqueror, and it doesn’t matter what the difficulties are, for I am always led in triumph.” Is this idea being worked out practically in us? Paul’s secret joy was that God took him as a blatant rebel against Jesus Christ, and made him a captive— and that became his purpose. It was Paul’s joy to be a captive of the Lord, and he had no other interest in heaven or on earth. It is a shameful thing for a Christian to talk about getting the victory. We should belong so completely to the Victor that it is always His victory, and “we are more than conquerors through Him . . .” (Romans 8:37).
In the procession of a conqueror,
Dave & Kathie
Saturday, October 16, 2010
October 16, 2010
Wednesday, I was able to join Kathie, the Staff and fellow residents of Care Meridian at a farm for their monthly outing. We looked at the pumpkin patch, the small animals and sat in the shade of a large tree, another nice trip. I have mentioned to you that occasionally we meet someone on these trips that takes the time to talk to us. This day it was a woman from a retirement home who said, “I said a prayer for her” as she handed me a bottle of water. I am always struck as “God engineers our circumstances” through the people we meet. Later I watched as she and her friend struggled to walk around the farm yet she still smiled at us.
Hebrews 12:1 (New International Version) God Disciplines His Sons. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
“The race marked out for us,” carries a frustrating meaning for me, I continue to wait on God’s plan. I can’t count the hours I’ve sat holding Kathie’s tight fingers or stroked her hair, I let God know my frustration. Many times I am frustrated by the balance I try to maintain between Kathie, Madison’s senior year of high school, the rest of our family, work and coaching girls soccer. The volume of activity is not my goal, quality is and I don’t always measure up to what I’d like to achieve. A verse in Kath's room was Proverbs 16:9, “The human mind plans the way but the Lord directs the steps.”
My latest project of changing Kathie body wash, shampoo and conditioner was successful, I am proud to say that her hair would pass for a TV commercial and Friday night I was able to wash her hair without spraying water over the entire room.
"Persevering in the race marked out for us,”
Dave & Kathie
Friday, October 1, 2010
OCTOBER 1, 2010
Here is my much underlined quote from My Utmost for His Highest,
"We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength."
Madison is visiting two colleges this weekend, Hannah received school awards at an assembly yesterday and both are settling into school. I attended their Back to School Nights, met teachers and said hello to friends, many we've known since the girls were in Kindergarten.
Recently I have scheduled my time to help with Kathie's evening whirlpool bath. Aside from turning on the water-jets and spraying water all over the room, into her face and generally creating pandemonium, I am learning this facet of her care. She calmly gave me a look as if to say, "this is supposed to be relaxing." Kath enjoys the massage as I wash her hair, her arms relax and her eyes close. The lift used to lower her into the bath supports her but also allows momentary weightlessness in the swirling bubble bath of warm water.
We do live in an intriguing "valley"... and our strength comes from a walk with Christ,
Dave & Kathie
"We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength."
Madison is visiting two colleges this weekend, Hannah received school awards at an assembly yesterday and both are settling into school. I attended their Back to School Nights, met teachers and said hello to friends, many we've known since the girls were in Kindergarten.
Recently I have scheduled my time to help with Kathie's evening whirlpool bath. Aside from turning on the water-jets and spraying water all over the room, into her face and generally creating pandemonium, I am learning this facet of her care. She calmly gave me a look as if to say, "this is supposed to be relaxing." Kath enjoys the massage as I wash her hair, her arms relax and her eyes close. The lift used to lower her into the bath supports her but also allows momentary weightlessness in the swirling bubble bath of warm water.
We do live in an intriguing "valley"... and our strength comes from a walk with Christ,
Dave & Kathie
Saturday, September 18, 2010
SEPTEMBER 18, 2010
Last Tuesday Kathie and I visited Coronado Hospital a little over a year since moving her to Care Meridian. We replayed last years trip where the staff and patients ride the ferry boat over and I met them at the dock. From the Landing, Kathie and I strolled over to the Hospital. This year we had the new wheelchair and this portion of the trip was much smoother and comfortable for Kath.
I had let her old roommate, Maria, know that we were planning a visit, her caregiver and mom meet us also. You might remember from past posts that Maria and I share a sense of humor and she is known as my "favorite brat." It was good to talk with them, we spent a year and a half in that hospital room and we shared a lot of life events, up and downs together. Madison and Hannah's Christmas card pictures are still posted on Maria's bulletin board.
As we moved through the different Hospital units we were greeted by Staff that had taken care of us for almost 4 years. I had made it a point to get to know details about each of their lives so this trip was a reunion of friends. Each was thrilled to see Kathie and commented on how good she looked. I remember to pray for caregivers and the daily mundane tasks they do to keep patients comfortable.
After two and a half hours of visiting we returned to the Ferry Landing and sat across the walkway from a restaurant that happened to be the site of our first "official date," as Kathie liked to call it. I ate lunch while Kathie dozed off in the afternoon shade. Soon it was time for me to push her down the dock with the rest of her group and face the empty feeling of saying good-bye to her.
Wednesday evening I was able to help give Kathie her whirlpool bath. The best part was washing her hair, massaging her scalp and neck in the warm water. Her eyes rolled back and I knew that God granted me a moment where I could bring Kath a little comfort.
Kathie's old bed has a new roommate for Maria, a 21 year old brain injured girl whose family is dealing with the newness of a difficult life. I pray for their strength and faith.
Dave
I had let her old roommate, Maria, know that we were planning a visit, her caregiver and mom meet us also. You might remember from past posts that Maria and I share a sense of humor and she is known as my "favorite brat." It was good to talk with them, we spent a year and a half in that hospital room and we shared a lot of life events, up and downs together. Madison and Hannah's Christmas card pictures are still posted on Maria's bulletin board.
As we moved through the different Hospital units we were greeted by Staff that had taken care of us for almost 4 years. I had made it a point to get to know details about each of their lives so this trip was a reunion of friends. Each was thrilled to see Kathie and commented on how good she looked. I remember to pray for caregivers and the daily mundane tasks they do to keep patients comfortable.
After two and a half hours of visiting we returned to the Ferry Landing and sat across the walkway from a restaurant that happened to be the site of our first "official date," as Kathie liked to call it. I ate lunch while Kathie dozed off in the afternoon shade. Soon it was time for me to push her down the dock with the rest of her group and face the empty feeling of saying good-bye to her.
Wednesday evening I was able to help give Kathie her whirlpool bath. The best part was washing her hair, massaging her scalp and neck in the warm water. Her eyes rolled back and I knew that God granted me a moment where I could bring Kath a little comfort.
Kathie's old bed has a new roommate for Maria, a 21 year old brain injured girl whose family is dealing with the newness of a difficult life. I pray for their strength and faith.
Dave
Monday, September 6, 2010
SEPTEMBER 5, 2010 - FIVE YEARS
Yesterday our visit went well. I learned a lot about moving a wheelchair around our home and through thresholds. Our house remodel, over the last year, was done with Kathie in mind. We have created a side patio that has turned into my retreat after work, I sit there reading the mail. While the Girls were still asleep, Kathie and I sat in the cool of the morning on that patio. She drifted off to sleep and I held her hand. Madison and Hannah seemed happy to wake up, come into the kitchen and kiss their Mom as I was making pancakes... a scene from long ago.
Once we arrived at church today, Madison just couldn't go inside so she slept in the car as Hannah and I attended worship. We all experience struggles in the days before this anniversary arrives and a brunch before we visited Kathie put the Girls back to into themselves. Kathie was actively looking at us during our visit and her CNA reported that Kathie startled her with what sounded like four laughs upon her return from our visit. Carmen takes very good care of Kath and our family, she was very happy that Kathie was happy with her visit.
I looked at records I need to keep and discovered that I have driven over 51,000 miles to visit Kathie or attend her doctor appointments over the last five years. I recognized that I have been blessed to have the time and resources to follow her care so closely. Last night Hannah invited six friends to sleepover and Madison begins her Senior Year on Tuesday. We are further blessed to understand what we have learned in the past yet have a future before us.
I thought of Philippians 3:12-15(The Message)this morning.
"Focused on the Goal
12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it."
"Staying on it,"
The Jones Family
Once we arrived at church today, Madison just couldn't go inside so she slept in the car as Hannah and I attended worship. We all experience struggles in the days before this anniversary arrives and a brunch before we visited Kathie put the Girls back to into themselves. Kathie was actively looking at us during our visit and her CNA reported that Kathie startled her with what sounded like four laughs upon her return from our visit. Carmen takes very good care of Kath and our family, she was very happy that Kathie was happy with her visit.
I looked at records I need to keep and discovered that I have driven over 51,000 miles to visit Kathie or attend her doctor appointments over the last five years. I recognized that I have been blessed to have the time and resources to follow her care so closely. Last night Hannah invited six friends to sleepover and Madison begins her Senior Year on Tuesday. We are further blessed to understand what we have learned in the past yet have a future before us.
I thought of Philippians 3:12-15(The Message)this morning.
"Focused on the Goal
12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it."
"Staying on it,"
The Jones Family
Friday, September 3, 2010
SEPTEMBER 3, 2010
Tomorrow, one day shy of five years since our accident, I will be bringing Kathie home for a visit, 9am to 3pm. Anxious and excited, I will let you know how it goes.
Dave
Dave
Thursday, September 2, 2010
SEPTEMBER 2, 2010
Busy weeks, last Thursday Madison had her wisdom teeth taken out, her surgeries always make me nervous but she was done early. Soccer season is beginning for Hannah as the last weeks of Summer Vacation come to an end. Sunday, Kathie and I celebrated our 18th Wedding Anniversary, rushed by a busy day but she is still the love of my life.
Care Meridian held a Luau Tuesday evening with pictures as a year-in-review disk played, I was amazed at our last year. Even more amazing was the way Kathie looked at me during the party. She moved her head and followed my movements. A treasured moment of blessing.
Sunday will complete five years since our accident, the following will appear in our Church Bulletin:
Today marks the 5th year since the traffic accident that injured Kathie Jones. Flowers were placed by the Jones Family in Thanksgiving for our Congregational prayers and support. Jer 29:11 “… plans to give you hope and a future.”
We do live lives of a “hope and a future,”
Dave & Kathie
Care Meridian held a Luau Tuesday evening with pictures as a year-in-review disk played, I was amazed at our last year. Even more amazing was the way Kathie looked at me during the party. She moved her head and followed my movements. A treasured moment of blessing.
Sunday will complete five years since our accident, the following will appear in our Church Bulletin:
Today marks the 5th year since the traffic accident that injured Kathie Jones. Flowers were placed by the Jones Family in Thanksgiving for our Congregational prayers and support. Jer 29:11 “… plans to give you hope and a future.”
We do live lives of a “hope and a future,”
Dave & Kathie
Friday, August 20, 2010
AUGUST 20, 2010
“I will lift my eyes in the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives…
Last Wednesday Kathie and I went to the shopping mall. I am amazed at what I learn and experience by traveling on a field trip with her care facility. I have been working with the designers of her wheelchair and customizing the chair for her comfort and our travel. I noticed the improvements as we entered elevators and maneuvered through aisles. I purchased new sunglasses for Kath, something big with “bling,” she also needed some hair bands as we are letting her hair grow longer. In the last week, I’ve she has started moving her tongue, almost sticking it out so I purchased some stick candy to rub along her tongue and stimulate her sense of taste, sour orange, peppermint and of course cotton candy. When I first let her taste the peppermint, she gave me a half smile.
Many friends have commented that they can't leave comments on this site, I'm sorry, we do miss your words.
… And I will walk with You, knowing You’ll see me through
And sing the songs You give.”
Dave & Kathie
For I know my Savior lives…
Last Wednesday Kathie and I went to the shopping mall. I am amazed at what I learn and experience by traveling on a field trip with her care facility. I have been working with the designers of her wheelchair and customizing the chair for her comfort and our travel. I noticed the improvements as we entered elevators and maneuvered through aisles. I purchased new sunglasses for Kath, something big with “bling,” she also needed some hair bands as we are letting her hair grow longer. In the last week, I’ve she has started moving her tongue, almost sticking it out so I purchased some stick candy to rub along her tongue and stimulate her sense of taste, sour orange, peppermint and of course cotton candy. When I first let her taste the peppermint, she gave me a half smile.
Many friends have commented that they can't leave comments on this site, I'm sorry, we do miss your words.
… And I will walk with You, knowing You’ll see me through
And sing the songs You give.”
Dave & Kathie
Friday, August 6, 2010
AUGUST 6, 2010
From My Utmost for His Highest, August 6: “…“Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him” ( Matthew 6:8 ). Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer…”
I went to see Kathie twice yesterday, at Noon she was back in bed, possibly with a fever, she definitely felt warm. After work, no one was home so I went back to see her and she seemed very comfortable. When I don’t have scheduled “things to do,” I end up sitting by Kathie’s bedside. I am limited to just sitting with her and rubbing her head sometimes, no achievable goals but she seems to appreciate the company I bring. As the evening gets later, I still find it difficult to leave her bedside and I end by praying that God watches over her and that He teaches me how to best love her. This morning her temperature was back to normal.
Next Friday, Kath has an appointment for Botox injections… no, not for vanity but for her right wrist contraction. Botox will help loosen the tendons. I’m looking forward to seeing some comfort and improvement this treatment will bring.
On July 28, Madison turned 17, a senior in high school. I looked at her school picture taken after the accident 5 years ago, even paying extra for touch-up couldn’t hide the facial scars from flying glass. Today, you’d need to look very hard to find a visible scar.
“…We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.”
Dave
I went to see Kathie twice yesterday, at Noon she was back in bed, possibly with a fever, she definitely felt warm. After work, no one was home so I went back to see her and she seemed very comfortable. When I don’t have scheduled “things to do,” I end up sitting by Kathie’s bedside. I am limited to just sitting with her and rubbing her head sometimes, no achievable goals but she seems to appreciate the company I bring. As the evening gets later, I still find it difficult to leave her bedside and I end by praying that God watches over her and that He teaches me how to best love her. This morning her temperature was back to normal.
Next Friday, Kath has an appointment for Botox injections… no, not for vanity but for her right wrist contraction. Botox will help loosen the tendons. I’m looking forward to seeing some comfort and improvement this treatment will bring.
On July 28, Madison turned 17, a senior in high school. I looked at her school picture taken after the accident 5 years ago, even paying extra for touch-up couldn’t hide the facial scars from flying glass. Today, you’d need to look very hard to find a visible scar.
“…We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.”
Dave
Friday, July 23, 2010
JULY 23, 2010
The verse in her room today is John 14:27 KJV:“Peace I leave with you,
my peace I give unto you:
not as the world giveth,
give I unto you.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
I am always caught in the moment, reading such a verse and I have to breakdown each phrase. She sits in her wheelchair looking at me as I read… then I give her a kiss.
Kathie’s care facility has been wonderful; on August 7 we will have been at Care Meridian for a year. I went back in the 2009 Archives and read about the move and the days leading up to that move. I am still in contact with Sharp Coronado and in August or September, Kath and I will be visiting the sub-acute staff and nurses who took such good care of her.
I continue to visit Kathie five or six times-a-week, always trying to balance my time between the Girls, work and Kathie. I have learned so much in the last year and I am very pleased with Kathie care. Last week, Kathie was sleeping so soundly that not even running my fingers through her hair would wake her up, I just sat with her quietly. Today a lunch, we listened to the singing sounds of Norah Jones voice as a cool breeze blew through Kathie’s room. I whispered in her ear, “you are the prettiest girl, I love you.”
Here is a verse that caught my attention and I liked the wording from James 5:16 KJV: “...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” In older words, “effectual fervent prayer” is something for me to think about.
May these verses be a blessings,
Dave
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
MAY 18, 2010
Last weekend the Girls and I were in Boston to attend my niece’s college graduation. They are good travelers and now “check on Dad” as I go through airport security as opposed to when I used to guide them through. Believe it or not, Madison will be a high school Senior next year and I wanted her to see a graduation / dorm room on the East Coast, but don’t even think that I’m pushing for her to go that far away! I just want her to experience the area and tour through Boston. We joined my brother’s family along with grandparents as we celebrated her years of work leading to a graduate.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, Kathie finally has the minor surgery to “partially close” the stoma or opening from her tracheostomy. The term “partially close” has frustrated me as I work with her doctor, my role as her advocate is to not play doctor but to push for her comfort. My prayer is for the correct treatment leading to an enhanced comfort for Kath. I struggle to explain my role and convince her doctor that this is not an elective surgery but a conclusion that began with the first time I capped her trach on February 16, 2008. Today Kathie enjoyed her weekly massage and tomorrow her surgery is scheduled for 1:00 pm.
Thank you for your prayers for her healing and comfort,
Dave
Tomorrow, Wednesday, Kathie finally has the minor surgery to “partially close” the stoma or opening from her tracheostomy. The term “partially close” has frustrated me as I work with her doctor, my role as her advocate is to not play doctor but to push for her comfort. My prayer is for the correct treatment leading to an enhanced comfort for Kath. I struggle to explain my role and convince her doctor that this is not an elective surgery but a conclusion that began with the first time I capped her trach on February 16, 2008. Today Kathie enjoyed her weekly massage and tomorrow her surgery is scheduled for 1:00 pm.
Thank you for your prayers for her healing and comfort,
Dave
MAY 12, 2010
Mother’s Day weekend was more difficult this year for one of our Girls (which one is not the focus), she used text messages to tell me about holding back tears during lunch as her two friends talked about plans for their moms. She was pleased that she didn’t cry during lunch, in front of her friends. The Saturday before Mother’s Day is difficult to muster the energy to purchase flowers and cards, I usually try not to add this to the girls’ stress but two of us bought flowers at 9:30 pm as the Day was tomorrow.
Sunday we wished other mothers at church a Happy Mother’s Day and had a fun brunch with my Mom. We discussed two families that we are close with who were experiencing their first Mother’s Day without a mother, we prayed for a peace in their lives on this Day. Then the girls and I went to visit Kath, we greeted the staff, especially the mothers and found Kath in a wheelchair looking beautiful. The girls like to lie on her bed and have me move Kathie close so they can hold her hand while they watch the television. We read our cards to her and held up the flowers we be bought the night before, then each of us kissed her cheek, whispered in her ear and said our good-byes
The next day, our daughter cried during lunch, she was embarrassed at school and texted me with the painful message. The pain of our child tears at my heart. A school friend had noticed her from a distance, he consoled her the next day. He has known our family, as a classmate, from his elementary school days and said to her, “Our family thought of you Sunday and we said a prayer for your family,” as he put his hand on her back.
Blessings to our Mother’s who are home and away from us and peace to you also,
Dave
Sunday we wished other mothers at church a Happy Mother’s Day and had a fun brunch with my Mom. We discussed two families that we are close with who were experiencing their first Mother’s Day without a mother, we prayed for a peace in their lives on this Day. Then the girls and I went to visit Kath, we greeted the staff, especially the mothers and found Kath in a wheelchair looking beautiful. The girls like to lie on her bed and have me move Kathie close so they can hold her hand while they watch the television. We read our cards to her and held up the flowers we be bought the night before, then each of us kissed her cheek, whispered in her ear and said our good-byes
The next day, our daughter cried during lunch, she was embarrassed at school and texted me with the painful message. The pain of our child tears at my heart. A school friend had noticed her from a distance, he consoled her the next day. He has known our family, as a classmate, from his elementary school days and said to her, “Our family thought of you Sunday and we said a prayer for your family,” as he put his hand on her back.
Blessings to our Mother’s who are home and away from us and peace to you also,
Dave
Friday, May 7, 2010
MAY 7, 2010
“My situation is urgent, and I cannot see how I will ever be delivered. Yet this is not my concern, for He who made the promise will bind a way to keep it. My part is simply to obey His commands, not to direct His ways. I am His servant, not His advisor. I call upon Him and He will deliver me.” Charles H. Spurgeon quoted in Steams in the Desert, May 3.
Yesterday, Kathie and I were able to watch two little dancers at her home. The granddaughters of a care-giver dressed in traditional Mexican costumes and danced for all the residents. The girls wore bright dresses, smiled and were very good with the residents.
Not much happening right now as we have a couple of weeks before surgery. Kathie looked very pretty in a pink shirt and black pants yesterday. I rubbed her neck and told her how pretty she looked. I’m looking forward to sitting in the sun with her this weekend.
Last night we all had dinner together with my parents, Katie and Audrey, Andy, Madison and Hannah. We all enjoyed getting together.
We will celebrate Mother’s Day this Sunday,
Dave & Kathie
Yesterday, Kathie and I were able to watch two little dancers at her home. The granddaughters of a care-giver dressed in traditional Mexican costumes and danced for all the residents. The girls wore bright dresses, smiled and were very good with the residents.
Not much happening right now as we have a couple of weeks before surgery. Kathie looked very pretty in a pink shirt and black pants yesterday. I rubbed her neck and told her how pretty she looked. I’m looking forward to sitting in the sun with her this weekend.
Last night we all had dinner together with my parents, Katie and Audrey, Andy, Madison and Hannah. We all enjoyed getting together.
We will celebrate Mother’s Day this Sunday,
Dave & Kathie
Thursday, April 29, 2010
APRIL 29, 2010
Gracious Uncertainty . . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2
“Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life.
... We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.
...Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.” April 29, My Utmost for His Highest.
Tuesday I was very disappointed to find out that Kathie’s throat surgery, a surgery I have been interested in since February 16, 2008 when I first began “capping” her trach, will be postponed until later in May. A postponement may not sound like that big a deal but I have been waiting to complete this task for over two years. Emotionally, news like this “takes the wind out of my sails.” God knows that I am just working for Kathie’s benefit so why don’t the obstacles just disappear and let my plans proceed? As I drove up to see Kathie, I kept thinking about my disappointment and questioning “why.” I have written many times about allowing God to work, witnessing God’s direction but this time there shouldn’t have been a postponement. Of course I recognize that God’s hand guides me through each day so I once again release my plans and ask for God’s direction in my prayers.
“Do you know how to pray in that way – how to prevail in prayer? Let your sight bring you reports as discouraging as possible, but pay no attention to them. Our heavenly Father lives and even the delays of answers to our prayers are part of His goodness.” Arthur Tappan Pierson from Streams in the Desert, April 29.
When I arrived for our lunchtime visit today, I said, “Hi Kath, then I kissed her and stayed nose to nose with her. She seemed to think about the kiss, possibly recognized my voice and gave me a small smile while looking at me. In that moment, I can attack any problem and I thank God for the gift of that little smile.
I am uncertain of the next step, but certain of God. I will let you know when we are next scheduled for Kathie's surgery.
Dave
“Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life.
... We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.
...Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.” April 29, My Utmost for His Highest.
Tuesday I was very disappointed to find out that Kathie’s throat surgery, a surgery I have been interested in since February 16, 2008 when I first began “capping” her trach, will be postponed until later in May. A postponement may not sound like that big a deal but I have been waiting to complete this task for over two years. Emotionally, news like this “takes the wind out of my sails.” God knows that I am just working for Kathie’s benefit so why don’t the obstacles just disappear and let my plans proceed? As I drove up to see Kathie, I kept thinking about my disappointment and questioning “why.” I have written many times about allowing God to work, witnessing God’s direction but this time there shouldn’t have been a postponement. Of course I recognize that God’s hand guides me through each day so I once again release my plans and ask for God’s direction in my prayers.
“Do you know how to pray in that way – how to prevail in prayer? Let your sight bring you reports as discouraging as possible, but pay no attention to them. Our heavenly Father lives and even the delays of answers to our prayers are part of His goodness.” Arthur Tappan Pierson from Streams in the Desert, April 29.
When I arrived for our lunchtime visit today, I said, “Hi Kath, then I kissed her and stayed nose to nose with her. She seemed to think about the kiss, possibly recognized my voice and gave me a small smile while looking at me. In that moment, I can attack any problem and I thank God for the gift of that little smile.
I am uncertain of the next step, but certain of God. I will let you know when we are next scheduled for Kathie's surgery.
Dave
Monday, April 19, 2010
APRIL 19, 2010
Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. (Exodus 14:13)
Friday Kathie and I enjoyed our trip to Sea World, I believe the sights and sounds are good for her to experience and because I took the day off work, I enjoyed spending most of the day with her.
Saturday, I received a “Denial Notice” from her insurance company for a wheelchair, which is actually good news because I have another fund we can use to purchase the chair in a shorter timeframe. I cringed in September when the insurance company said they would pay for the evaluation of her wheelchair, I knew they wouldn’t pay for it but I had to follow the rules set by her medical care trust and wait for the insurance company to make a decision. Now seven months later, I can order the chair and complete this medical task and Kathie will receive the chair that has been designed and molded for her. The color will be Emerald Green, her favorite color.
We have completed the pre-surgery requirement set by Kathie’s ENT doctor so now we wait on scheduling.
From Streams in the Desert, April 19: “What am I to do when I cannot retreat or go forward and my way is blocked to the right and to the left? …Despair will come whispering, “Give up—lie down and die”…Cowardice will come and say, “you must retreat to the world’s ways of acting. It is too difficult for you to continue living the part of a Christian. …Impatience will come, crying “Get up and do something!” … Arrogance will come boasting, “if the sea is blocking your way, march right into it and expect a miracle.” Yet true faith never listens to arrogance, impatience, cowardice, or despair but only hears God saying, “Stand firm.” And then it stands as immovable as a rock…” Charles H. Spurgeon. I am blessed to be one who “only hears God saying.” I do struggle to listen though.
Over the weekend, I was able to visit Kathie twice on Saturday and once with the Girls on Sunday. Kathie looked relaxed and beautiful. In the midst of the struggle, God has allowed me the opportunity to look into Kathie’s eyes and give her a kiss.
Dave
Friday Kathie and I enjoyed our trip to Sea World, I believe the sights and sounds are good for her to experience and because I took the day off work, I enjoyed spending most of the day with her.
Saturday, I received a “Denial Notice” from her insurance company for a wheelchair, which is actually good news because I have another fund we can use to purchase the chair in a shorter timeframe. I cringed in September when the insurance company said they would pay for the evaluation of her wheelchair, I knew they wouldn’t pay for it but I had to follow the rules set by her medical care trust and wait for the insurance company to make a decision. Now seven months later, I can order the chair and complete this medical task and Kathie will receive the chair that has been designed and molded for her. The color will be Emerald Green, her favorite color.
We have completed the pre-surgery requirement set by Kathie’s ENT doctor so now we wait on scheduling.
From Streams in the Desert, April 19: “What am I to do when I cannot retreat or go forward and my way is blocked to the right and to the left? …Despair will come whispering, “Give up—lie down and die”…Cowardice will come and say, “you must retreat to the world’s ways of acting. It is too difficult for you to continue living the part of a Christian. …Impatience will come, crying “Get up and do something!” … Arrogance will come boasting, “if the sea is blocking your way, march right into it and expect a miracle.” Yet true faith never listens to arrogance, impatience, cowardice, or despair but only hears God saying, “Stand firm.” And then it stands as immovable as a rock…” Charles H. Spurgeon. I am blessed to be one who “only hears God saying.” I do struggle to listen though.
Over the weekend, I was able to visit Kathie twice on Saturday and once with the Girls on Sunday. Kathie looked relaxed and beautiful. In the midst of the struggle, God has allowed me the opportunity to look into Kathie’s eyes and give her a kiss.
Dave
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
April 6, 2010
The last weekend in March, the Girls and I headed to Tijuana to work on another house building team. This was Maddie's 6th trip and Hannah's 3rd, both of them pounded nails to build walls, Maddie worked on finished up the roofing and helped stucco the building, Hannah always works at twice her size. Volunteer numbers are down but at least 1000 people were in the main camp by Monday evening from all over the US.
Easter Dinner was at our house and it is fun to hear Adult children, Katie and Andy, telling stories about when they were in high school to growing up in our home. I am not sure if Andy had more fun hiding the eggs or Maddie, Hannah and Audrey searching.
"The Cross of Christ is the revealed truth of God's judgment on sin. Never associate the idea of martyrdom with the Cross of Christ. It was the supreme triumph, and it shook the very foundations of hell. There is nothing in time or eternity more absolutely certain and irrefutable than what Jesus Christ accomplished on the Cros-- He made it possible for the entire human race to be brought back into a right-standing relationship with God. He made redemption the foundation of human life; that is, He made a way for every person to have fellowship with God." Oswald Chambers, April 6, My Utmost for His Highest. Kathie looks good and yesterday we meet with the ENT Doctor and he began the process of exams and paperwork to close the stoma or opening leftover from Kathie tracheostomy. She will be in the hospital for two days once the surgery is completed, I will let you know how this progresses. Thank you for the cards and visits to Kathie, your prayers for our strength are appreciated and necessary. She also received a very pretty new night gown.
Sunday night I was able to put my arms around Kathie and enjoy holding her while stroking her hair. I reminded her how beautiful she is.
Dave
MARCH 18, 2010
One of my favorite Oswald Chamber's writtings in My Utmost for His Highest, on March 6, Taking the Next Step... in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses -2 Corinthians 6:4
"When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.
Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17." Passages like this help me to renew my "everyday life" and "live an undefeated life."
Last weekend, Madison, Hannah and I traveled to Park City, UT to visit and ski with my brother Dan and his family. We had a wonderful mini-vacation and enjoyed our time together. We did a similar trip last year and Kathie ended up in the ER with a urinary tract infection the caused her blood pressure to drop very low. This year I enjoyed the fact that she is cared for in a smaller facility and I was confident in her care for the three days I would be away from her. I work to balance our lives and this was a good time of respite for everyone. Monday morning after our return home, Kathie had two doctors appointments and Tuesday she was fitted for a wheelchair (we started the wheelchair process in September). I requested and was granted a referral for Kathie to see an Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor (ENT) to handle the closing of her throat stoma (opening) leftover from her tracheostomy; we have an appointment in early April for evaluation. I am also pursuing a dental appointment for Kathie's loose tooth. By Tuesday afternoon, I was pleased with the progress in Kathie's care, so often no progress is evident to me. My parents visited Kathie on Sunday morning and as my Dad was talking to Kathie, he moved from one side of her wheelchair to another, she followed him with her eyes. We continue to wonder what she sees and hears but find a blessing in moments like this.
"Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you."
Dave
FEBRUARY 27, 2010
Last Saturday morning, I arrived early to see Kathie; a staff member looked surprised but a CNA named Carmen said with a smile, "love doesn't know what time it is." Kathie and I had a good morning together. On Tuesday, an outing was planned for the Balboa Park Museums and I went with the group. I met Kathie and the bus at the Automotive Museum, a family friend volunteers there so he welcomed the group as they made their way around the displays. Last year a new display was unveiled about the old Plank Road between El Centro CA and Yuma AZ. My Grandfather was interviewed and recorded explaining about the wood road over the sand dunes and how my Great-grandfather had run a "stage service" between these two points. Last Thanksgiving my brothers were in town so we all took Grandpa and his great-grandchildren to the museum to listen to his interview. When I called told him that Kathie had now been able to hear the interview he was very happy.
On this type of trip, I learn to care for Kathie outside of the care facility. Pushing the wheelchair around sidewalk holes and up ramps, I really appreciate the time with her. The rest of the day included lunch (where I gave Kath a taste of soda) the sports museum Hall of Champions and the Aerospace Museum. As the bus arrived to transport the group, I had that feeling of someone leaving on a flight from the airport. I stood very close to Kathie and then I gave her a kiss, she sighed and made an exhale noise. Carmen, who was near us said, "I saw that, she loves you too." Yesterday Carmen's daughter had cancer surgery on her throat. I remembered Rosa in my prayers for healing and Carmen for strength. I continue to appreciate that God reminds me to pray outside myself for the many friends who each have their own struggles.
This morning I was early to see Kathie again, as always, I kiss her and tell her, "I love you," but according to Carmen, she already knows how much I love her. Kathie was very comfortable and relaxed as I left our visit.
Blessings,
Dave
FEBRUARY 18, 2010
The Saturday before Valentine's Day, I took Kathie outside in the sunshine and gave her a pedicure, painting her toenails pink. I was glad to be outdoors with her as she wore her floppy hat and sunglasses. We continue to wait for the hole to close from the tracheostomy, the hole is closed each day using Steri-Stripes but the skin and cartilage have not come together yet. We have an appointment in March to meet with her doctor again. Occasionally, she yawns aloud, a sound I enjoy hearing. I also spent time with my arm around her, letting her know how much I love her and yet miss her.
I continue to grow frustrated with my role as a single parent, because I cannot provide the advantages of two parents nor do I have the energy to offer Madison and Hannah, my own inabilities frustrate me. I have gone back in my memory to Kathie's stories as a single parent and continue to pray for strength as I support the Girls. I have learned to pray for other single parents I know in empathy.
Since January, I have been reading and praying Psalm 42, I wonder what my role is for this life. Each project to keep Kathie comfortable seems to become mired in trivial forms and paperwork, my parenting is a struggle, and I am not sure what God wants of me. Psalm 42:9 "I say to God my Rock, Why have you forgotten me?"
Each night I still read Psalms or Streams in the Desert along with My Utmost, from Streams in the Desert February 17: "Dear troubled one, have you been waiting for God to work during long nights and weary days, fearing you have been forgotten? Lift up your head and begin praising Him right now for the deliverance that is on its way to you."
I thank you for your prayers; I recognize that when I want to whine about my life, I have many friends who pray for Kathie daily, our family and my strength. I try though to share honestly about my daily walk and continue to count on God’s renewing strength.
"Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God." Psalm 42:11
Blessings,
Dave
JANUARY 22, 2010
Two of my friends lost their wives to cancer in September, I have shared with them that the time between Halloween and New Years is a difficult emotional time and usually after New Year's Day, I breathe a sigh of relief, but this year the relief did not seem to come. The multiple projects with Kathie's, throat healing, wheelchair design and even a cable television request have all taking much longer than expected. I enjoyed the months of coaching girls' soccer but there are "costs" associated with this wonderful task. Our home repairs and remodeling are in the fourth month and the day-to-day tasks of single parenting have brought me down to an uncomfortable place of waiting and the feeling that I am not catching the tasks that fall through the cracks.
As Hannah's soccer season ended in the last two weeks, I returned to more consistency in my jogging routine. At the top of a small hill on my route is a traffic sign that states, "No Stopping Anytime." I smiled as I read it, I found a traffic sign that speaks to my daily grind and gives me direction. Last week, Madison, Hannah and I sat down to a meal at our dining room table, an event that has become unique rather than the norm. Madison described that dinner to my Mother with such excitement. I will need to refocus my efforts in this area.
Saturday I trimmed and painted Kathie's toenails, when the staff sees this they are reminded that I care about each detail of Kathie and they look closely. We watched her new television, including football games, while holding hands. Sometimes, I stroke her hair, telling her how pretty she is and how much she is missed. This month I purchased some new wrist and elbow braces to go with her knee brace. These braces help loosen contractures and increase joint flexibility. I also continue to work on her mouth muscles trying to help her relearn mouth breathing. Each Monday or Tuesday morning, a massage therapist continues to give her an hour massage, I do not visit that day because she sleeps very soundly afterwards.
Lamentations 3:24-26 NIV I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
I am glad the Lord is my portion; I will continue to wait for His direction,
Dave
JANUARY 8, 2010
Nehemiah 8:10 ...The joy of God is your strength!
After the rush to set up our Christmas Tree, we had a very nice Holiday. Andy spent Christmas Eve at our house and organized the Christmas Brunch when the rest of our family arrived, including omelets made to order.
Madison was very happy for the opportunity to sleep in during the school break. It was very odd for me to watch her drive off to the mall and shop for presents on her own.
Hannah is also one who enjoys sleeping in during her break. Her soccer all-star team participated in a tournament the weekend before Christmas and she has been enjoying her teammates.
I have been coaching Hannah's all-star team and likewise enjoy coaching the young ladies. Between shopping, construction and coaching there were many busy days leading up to Christmas. We continued our "Choose Joy" theme this year by consciously reminding ourselves of the reason for the Holiday. I visited Coronado Hospital before New Years to touch base with staff and patients that we have come to know. When Kathie moved out, I donated some of her old gowns to the Hospital, the young woman who was moved into Kathie's old bed was wearing one of the gowns when I visited, a reminder of disabled friends that spent another Christmas in the hospital. Another woman in her 20's who we befriended was photographed smiling, sounds strange but an amazing blessing to see.
The mall trip with Kathie is still my highlight for December,
Dave
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